What’s the one thing that the US doesn’t have?
Come on, think!
This country has an official anthem that we can sing and several unofficial ones that we can sing better. It has a powerful Army that it can deploy on short notice, a Navy that has mighty ships (and spiffy uniforms) and a Marine Corps that would scare the hell out of me if I were the enemy.
The US also has great parklands, mighty mountains and massive bureaucracies that, like it or not, employ a lot of people to keep the paperwork flowing.
But nowhere in that massive bureaucracy is a good p.r. person — a man or woman whose job it is to make bad news sound not so bad.
This country needs a person who can make you and me, the average American, feel good about something — at least once in a while. FDR was his own best p.r. guy — “the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself” — and so was John Kennedy — “ask not what your country. . . etc., etc.” Jimmy Carter, well, let’s not include him.
President Obama is a good enough public speaker but, so far, he’s not cutting it in the make ’em-feel-better department.
Nor is his press secretary, what’s-his-name. Or the various other sourpusses who sometimes try to stand behind the mic or before Congress to fill the void — like Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and Federal Reserve chief Ben Bernanke.
There’s no question that the US economy is a mess.
It has been that way for too long. And since I’ve been damned good at predicting that this mess was coming I’m not now going to turn into Pollyanna and pretend that everything is just fine.
But, really, shouldn’t there be a better flow of information about what’s going on in Washington? Shouldn’t there be someone who can peek into the halls of power, see what’s up and then (unlike we in the media) put a slightly more optimistic spin on the observations?
Why do I bring this up? Because there have been so many misleading and conflicting leaks about the negotiations over the federal budget and debt ceiling that nothing is believable any more. Even when a deal is finally announced (and it will be) the average person probably won’t believe the news.
And the pundits wonder why Americans are in the worst mood they’ve been in decade. And why consumers won’t spend. And why companies won’t hire. And why financial markets are skittish.
I’m now going to give you some good news, like a p.r. fella would. (Yes, there is some good news.)
Corporate profits are pretty good. Experts are predicting that earnings for the companies in the S&P 500 Index will be 7.5 percent higher in the second quarter when all the results are in over the next few weeks compared to last year.
Doesn’t that make you feel better?
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Lately, President Obama has been on TV more frequently than “How I Met Your Mother.” But so far he hasn’t found the right words to make the country feel better about his presidency and about the economy. Here’s what I think Mr. Obama should say to connect to the people:
“Anyone out there looking for a job can have mine.
“I’m so confident the economy will get better soon that I am willing to give the first 100 callers a personal loan of $10,000 at 0 percent interest.”
“Today I’m not going to talk about the economy — at all. Things are going so great that we don’t need to waste any more time on these things. Let’s talk about my golf game.”
“This damn White House is too big. Michelle, me and the girls just need two bedrooms and a place to watch TV. We’re gonna save money by closing off the rest of the building — maybe renting it out.”
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A p.r. person wouldn’t tell you this, but as a journalist I feel obliged.
Sure, there are predictions that corporate earnings will be up 7.5 percent. But most of that gain is coming from inflation. Energy and materials companies are expected to record outrageous gains of 46.6 percent and 35.1 percent, respectively. These two industries benefit most from inflation.
Without those two groups, corporate profits would only be up 1.8 percent in the quarter.
See, wouldn’t you have felt better if the journalist in me hadn’t taken over and given you this last bit of information?
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In a column last week I wrote about a confidential e-mail sent by the New York State Tax Department to its investigators on the do’s and don’ts of inter cepting bootlegged, un taxed cigarettes.
It was mostly a list of “don’t seize” instruc tions and the Tax De partment was appar ently perturbed that I got hold of the memo. So the department put out a second e-mail telling its people not to talk with me — along with a press release defending its tax collecting efforts and saying it would do even better.
Let me say this: insiders are going to blow the whistle when they think a state agency isn’t doing a good job. That’s the way it is, and has always been. And that’s the way it should be.
I got a copy of the second e-mail as well.