I’ve been dating a guy I really like for about six months. He has the absolute worst teeth. I like him and I don’t want to be totally vain, but I really, really want him to fix his embarrassing teeth. He’s successful, so I know he has the money to do it. How do I broach this subject sensitively?
— Madeline, TriBeCa
No matter how you say it, you risk hurting his feelings. It’d be like him telling you that he really likes you, but he’d like you better if you got a nose or boob job.
So you have to approach it like it’s a suggestion. Or better yet, let him bring it up. See, I’d wait for a time when you’re in an intimate state — maybe Saturday or Sunday morning in bed after you’ve woken or been sexually intimate. Or, let’s say you pack a picnic and are lying in a park, your head in his lap, talking about life — drive the conversation toward “what ifs.” Say, “What if you could change one thing about yourself both physically and in terms of character? What would it be?” If he hesitates, go first. (Just make sure you’re willing to stand the heat if you’re putting yourself in the kitchen . . .)
Once you’ve divulged, see what he says. If he doesn’t pick his teeth, then he’s clearly OK with them and you may have to learn to be. If they’re so bothersome you just can’t see past them, then now’s your opportunity to (gently) tell him what you think. (You could also suggest that he speak up about your least attractive qualities so that you’re on an even playing (or hating) field. But again, be prepared for insults.)
It’s hard to purposefully make someone you care about feel bad about themselves — and this is definitely going to do that to him. But maybe the fact that you adore him enough to say something will push him to make a change.
I got my bikini area lasered and it’s all bare save for a patch up front. The guy I’ve been seeing has said openly that he hates the trend of grown women “looking like little girls down there.” He doesn’t know what I’ve got going on yet, but is sure to find out when we go away together next weekend. What should I do?
— Kim L., Chelsea
Well, unless you live under a rock, the bare trend has been around for years. I guess I mistakenly assumed most men have embraced it by now! In my opinion, it has nothing to do with looking like a little girl — it has to do with personal hygiene and respect for your partner when it comes to going down there.
Unfortunately, though, this is his personal preference. You may have missed a prime shot at warning him when the topic came up the first time, but to avoid any awkward moments, and so that you can enjoy the experience when it does happen, you’ve got to bring it up again.
If anything, you’ll prepare yourself for what he’s got going on down there (which I guarantee is more than you’d like, considering his point of view!). Stress that while you aim to please your partner, it’s your body and this is how you like it. I’d also stress the cleanliness factor. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be down with you trying to “clear the way” for him to more easily navigate the forest. In fact, there’s your opportunity to suggest he do the same. If he won’t, though, you may have to learn to “Stay Alive” with his retro moves down below. It’s only fair.
Considering Weinergate, do you consider sexting cheating?
I think I’ve covered this before, but in my book, any sort of emotional connection with someone other than your partner is cheating. It’s only a matter of time before flirtation texting leads to sexting, leads to meeting, leads to real sex-ing. You get the “It’s just no good” point?
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