She’s mad as heck, and she darn sure isn’t gonna take it anymore!
There’s a new Mad Prophet of the Airwaves: Sarah Palin. Sunday night, she launched her own sorta-kinda-cable TV news network, SarahPalinChannel.com. It doesn’t really offer any news, it isn’t actually on TV, but it does deliver lots of Sarah Palin.
She’s charging followers $9.95 a month, or $99.95 a year, for attractions like “Bristol’s blog,” a “Word of the Day” (“rec-ti-tude”), a dual-readout State of the Country chart (national debt, time remaining in President Obama’s administration) and the Image of the Day: a painting under the legend “Remember when the Colonists stood in line to register their muskets? Me neither.”
Yeah, and remember when those Colonists put the phrase “well-regulated” in the Second Amendment? Me neither. Anything we don’t like is unconstitutional! Starting with the president! Impeach that fool! What does rectitude mean again?
It’s as if “Wayne’s World” woke up one morning and decided to be “Meet the Press.”
Except the press can’t be trusted, with their tricky questions about what newspapers you read, so this site is just Meet the Rogue.
The heart of the site is lots (well, several) clips of the runaway governor, Bailin’ Palin herself, sitting alone and addressing the camera using a microphone that sounds like it came from a 1978 Radio Shack.
Here’s Sarah’s video op-ed on how to stop Vladimir Putin: “We have these God-given resources all over this great land! We could be a natural-gas exporter if the government got serious about allowing development of our natural resources, and by doing so, we could make the world a safer place.”
Brilliant idea! If only Obama would allow God-backed Americans to do this thing that they’re already doing! Maybe if we went back in time and exported a bit more gas, Putin would be too scared of our economic might to shoot down planes?
Never mind. What’s the answer to jobs? Drill. Education? Drill (energy taxes = revenue). ISIS? Immigration crisis? Halitosis? Drill, drill, drill!
Fresh off the TelePrompTer, the straight-up-no-chaser right-wing tirades somehow get slightly mangled in the process. Sentences run on until they get lost and sputter out, confused and tired.
In a video called “We Can’t Be Afraid of the Scary ‘I Word,’ ” the temptress of the tundra declares: “If our voice is loud enough, if we are united, all parties, all races, all demographic representation, if we all come together united and say, no, Mr. Obama, enough is enough, and your subordinates, this lawlessness, will not be accepted anymore, by the people who hired you to do your job, your job is to protect the Constitution, you’re not doing it. We’re in a lot of trouble and things are only gonna get worse until we send this message that it is time to impeach.”
Wait, there was an if — where’s the then? Never mind. Is she saying if we all agree to impeach Obama, then we’ll impeach Obama? I guess that makes sense. Except . . . she’s about the only one saying that. Predicting something that isn’t happening and will not happen isn’t the same as stirring up a movement. I could walk down Fifth Avenue shouting, “If everybody in this town would just give me 500 bucks, I’d be rich,” but that wouldn’t be stirring up popular support, it’d just be nuts.
Palin cites illegal immigration as grounds for impeachment: “Enough is enough of the years of abuse from this president. His unsecured border crisis for me is the last straw. It makes kind of a battered wife say, ‘No mas! That’s enough!’ Enough is enough.”
Wait, so the US is the battered wife in this scrambled metaphor? Why is this all-American bride suddenly speaking Spanish? Lord Almighty, the illegals have swarmed Sarah’s brain.
Somebody deport her! What the heck does rectitude mean?
The Web designer of SarahPalinChannel.com, we’re told, is a guy whose last employer was The Onion. Looks like he’s working for a satirical faux-news site again, except this one doesn’t know it’s a parody. Once Sarah seemed like the brightest new star in American politics. Now she’s the girl who makes Ted Cruz go, “Er, maybe tone it down a bit.”