Phil Mushnick

Phil Mushnick

NFL

Why does Michael Sam’s being gay matter?

Jackie Mason did a bit in which he consulted a psychiatrist: “I was so self-conscious that when I went to a football game and saw the players in the huddle, I thought they were talking about me.”

So when Michael Sam — you know, the gay guy — was drafted by the Rams, Saturday, I was listening to SiriusXM. I don’t know the name of the host or caller. Made no difference. They were discussing what has been parroted since Sam’s revelation, in February: How his presence “will cause problems in the locker room.”

That’s fascinating, given that while he played at Missouri — last season as an All-American — he apparently did not cause any “problems,” not those kind, anyway. So now, having come out, he’s going to start?

After two weeks of executing then dismembering troubled old misfit Donald Sterling for his shameful bigotry — there’s no kill like overkill! — we’re repeatedly told that bigotry against Sam is to be expected and accepted, you know, as a matter of natural course. Hey, he started it.

By the way, what exactly do people think goes on in NFL locker rooms? It’s a locker room! It’s a place where players dress, undress and presumably and hopefully shower before and after games and practices.

It’s not a pick-up bar, gay or straight. Sexual activity is not common in an NFL locker room. It’s not the back room down at Caligula’s Rod & Reel Club.

But with Sam on the scene, well, take care! Prison-style rape lurks around the corner! OMG, what’s that ointment on the shelf in his locker?! Hey, are those sequins?

He kissed his boyfriend after he was selected? Well, I suppose he’d have kissed his girlfriend, but, as he previously mentioned, he’s gay. A strange sight? Sure was. Unprecedented for NFL Draft telecasts (no help needed from Elias). But it made sense.

Was he grandstanding, shoving his homosexuality in our faces? That’s a benefit of the doubt thing. We don’t know him well enough to make that call.

Yet major league batters, after a bloop, now stand on first base kissing their fingers, tapping them to their chests then pointing heavenward. And that passes inspection as only their business. We’re respectful, that way.

Will the Rams have a separate seating section for Sam at team meetings? Will a second Gatorade bucket be needed, one marked “Gay?” Will a voyeuristic, anything-for-spare-change TMZ-ed media go berserk? The answer to No. 3 is, “Whatta you think?”

That gym you belong to? There are gay members? How do you handle that? I mean, what if …

For crying out loud, is there anything more just plain stupid — forget bigoted — than the tacit suggestion that a gay football player, having turned pro, will turn sexual predator, targeting his teammates?

But what if Sam’s sexually promiscuous? An NFL player? No way!

Four years ago, NBA teammates Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton pulled guns on each other in the Wizards’ locker room. Now that was a case of “causing a problem in the locker room.”

Oh, by the way, did I mention that some of my best friends …

Leading the way – with blinders on

AMONG the underrated heroes of World War II was the burly, beloved, understated British Field Marshall in the malarial Burma campaign, Bill Slim.

After calmly, concisely and confidently briefing troops on their next jungle-slog objective, an infantryman broke the anxious silence with, “We’ll follow you, General!”

“Don’t you believe it,” Slim flatly replied. “You’ll be a long way in front of me.”

With the ideal of candid leadership in mind, name this more recent episode: A public figure for years has made ugly, bigoted, outrageously insensitive remarks. But he’s suffered by the authorities, those at the top.

Then, a few days after he made another ugly crack — this one about African-Americans — the media seized on it, and it exploded.

The pressured authorities decided that he must go. So they take a strong public position: Such comments are unacceptable, shocking and appalling! They play the noble, socially sensitive altruism hand– pretending that all those years they had no idea.

Well, if you said one of two Dons, you get full credit. Don Sterling and the NBA, or Don Imus and WFAN/MSNBC.

And although Sterling and Imus were forced to walk the plank as racists, neither issue was as much about race as it was about the negligence at the top — those who did nothing better than hope the inevitable day would never dawn.

♦ Westchester County Executive Rob Astorino, Republican candidate for Governor, is a former ESPN Radio-NY producer. Showtime Sports media director Chris DeBlasio, however, is no relation to NYC’s Mayor.

♦ According to John Sterling yesterday, there is now “the official Buffalo wings of the New York Yankees.” Next? Official celery sticks.

Stats a warp on relevant numbers

Any stat, any time: At the end of the second period of Game 5 between the Rangers and Penguins, an NBCSN graphic noted that the Penguins had out-hit the Rangers, 20-13. Big! That shed light on why the Rangers were winning, 4-1.

♦ NBC yesterday rallied: In the 13,850 rounds played at Sawgrass in the The Players’ Championship, there had been only 321 bogey-free rounds. And 20-year-old first-timer Jordan Spieth was three-for-three. Yesterday, he bogeyed the fifth hole.

♦ The Rangers were a lock in Game 5 at Pittsburgh the moment Mike Francesa gave them no shot. And, as per Francesa’s “gift” for touting /dooming favorites, the underdog squeaked by, 5-1.

♦ The hardest-working in-game local pro over the last, say, five years? I’d nominate Rangers defenseman Ryan McDonagh. He’s always on the ice — for the U.S. Olympic Team, too — emptying his tank every shift and always taking a beating to reach the puck first. He’s a great watch.

♦ As hard as NBC and sibling Golf Channel try to sell The Players Championship as “the fifth major,” there are few buyers.

♦ The Yankees retiring Joe Torre’s number? How nice. Seems only yesterday (it was 2010) when Torre first returned to Yankee Stadium, as manager of the Dodgers, and the Yankees’ semi-official position was that they had never heard of him. YES’s telecast was 32 minutes old before he was even mentioned.

♦ Through three games of Heat-Nets, 144 3-point shots have been taken. That’s one every minute. You wanna call that NBA playoff basketball? Knock yourself out. Looks more like 25-foot H-O-R-S-E.