When the television network GSN asked gospel singer Natalie Grant to host a Christian matchmaking reality show, she said, “Uh, no.” She had visions of “rose ceremonies and other drama” and wanted no part of it.
But when she started reading more about “It Takes a Church,” Grant decided it was exactly the kind of project she wanted to do. The show, which premiered on Thursday, helps a bachelor or bachelorette at a different church each week find a potential match. (They are not required to end the episode or even the season with an engagement ring.)
“I’m a local church girl,” Grant says. “I felt this was a really cool opportunity to show people what the local church is about — being a family and rallying around each other in various stages of life.”
But where church used to be a place that singles met each other and the community encouraged them to take the next step, young people are putting off marriage and more of them are avoiding religious institutions altogether. The singles who do show up are more likely to be women than men and the lopsided ratio in the pews doesn’t help matters.
Advice columnists used to regularly recommend religious institutions as the best place to find a match, yet less than 4% of married couple now say they met at church, according to a nationally representative survey of 19,000 people who married between 2005 and 2012.
A 2010 poll found that Americans ranked churches below bars and restaurants as places they meet new people.
Enter Grant.
At the beginning of each episode of “It Takes a Church,” she identifies a single in the church who is interested in finding love. Then several members of the community nominate potential mates — friends, co-workers, dentists — who might be suitable.
Grant notes that because the single is from the church and the matchmaker is from the church, “the commonality is faith.” And that may do more to cement a relationship. According to the 2009 “How Couples Meet and Stay Together” survey, those who met in church were more likely to report overall satisfaction with their relationships.
“There is no greater platform for her to find a man,” Grant says of the first contestant, “than in the House of the Lord.”
Fewer young adults are getting to use that platform. It’s not just that young adults are less likely to go to church, it’s also that religious communities seem more reluctant than ever to intervene in the love lives of young adults.
Some family members tell the 20- and 30-somethings that they should find themselves before settling down. And these older folks don’t want to seem as if they are some kind of old-world matchmakers.
But sometimes singles actually want someone to meddle, to get involved in their lives, even to find them a potential mate. Grant says her oldest sister is a single mom who has raised two children. “The place she felt loneliest was in church.” There was not enough meddling.
The assumption on the part of many churchgoers these days is that one’s dating life is separate from one’s religious life, but as Grant notes, “church is the very place we should be talking about our love lives. These are the people we trust.” In fact, once community members are invited to offer input, many seem happy to recommend their most eligible friends.
The pastor also gets a say over which of the bachelors receive serious consideration. Over the course of the hour-long episode, the suitors get to go on dates but also do more churchy things — volunteering at fairs, etc.
The pastor also interviews the single and the potential suitors to see if they’re serious about marriage.
In the first episode, one man acknowledges that he used to be a “player” but has for the past year led a life of celibacy. The pastor asks another man whether it is feasible for him to be in a new relationship now given the fact that he is divorced with small children.
The problems are relatively modern, but “It Takes a Church” is a deeply traditional show. The producers and the participants are still of the old-fashioned opinion that a pastor, indeed a whole community, may have a say regarding whom a member dates and marries.
As the first bachelorette says, after choosing one of her suitors for a third date, “We both made a good decision. Me and the church.”
Naomi Schaefer Riley is the author of “‘Got Religion? How Churches, Mosques, and Synagogues Can Bring Young People Back” (Templeton Press).