There’s probably no more reliable an indicator of your real age than how much MTV you watch. From my early childhood through the college years, I consumed countless hours of the network.
I can remember taping a note to the TV back in 1984 reminding me to tune in at the specific time the VJ said Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” would be spun. I can remember in the days before DVRs gathering with friends over snacks and beers to watch the MTV Video Music Awards. It was like a second Super Bowl.
But my interest petered out about the time MTV started showing a steady rotation of mindless reality shows, and when I reached the age where I could legally rent a car.
So it’s no surprise that I skipped Sunday’s MTV Movie Awards. As did, I’m guessing, most people over the age of 25, who are probably far more interested in what was happening with Don Draper on “Mad Men” than in Zac Efron.
I give the show credit for its loose tone and for honoring movies that people actually see. But that mission statement has always forced the show to toe the line between irreverence and irrelevance.
After all, this is a show that once handed out a trophy for Best Sandwich (won by the ham-and-cheese in “Smoke” in 1995). It’s also a show that’s so blatantly, unapologetically commercial that it allows advertisers to sponsor categories (Orbit gum’s Dirtiest Mouth Moment), and once gave an award to the Best Summer Movie You Haven’t Seen Yet.
In the days when I used to tune into MTV, my father would always roll his eyes and wonder aloud, “How can you watch that crap?” Now it’s my turn to be that out-of-touch, grumpy old man. With that in mind, let’s go through the highlights from Sunday night’s Movie Awards:
‘The Hunger Games: Catching Fire’ took home the Best Movie Award, besting ’12 Years a Slave,’ ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ and ‘American Hustle.’
Results were determined by a prestigious accounting firm and one tween YA superfan in the Midwest programming a robot that could stuff the online ballot box.
Josh Hutcherson from “The Hunger Games” beat out Matthew McConaughey, Leonardo DiCaprio, Bradley Cooper and Chiwetel Ejiofor for Best Actor.
I don’t understand — is Hutcherson secretly ill and this was a Make-a-Wish-type thing?
Mark Wahlberg walked away with the Generation Award, MTV’s version of a lifetime achievement award.
Wahlberg is 42. Tom Cruise won his back in 2005 when he was also 42. Reese Witherspoon picked up hers in 2011 when she was 35. I wonder what ever happened to them? If their memories haven’t failed, someone should interview them about their time in the pictures.
Channing Tatum nabs the Trailblazer Award
Channing Tatum won something called the Trailblazer Award, given each year — not sure if I have this exactly right — to the actor best able to overcome a stripper past. Other recipients have included Carmen Electra, Diablo Cody and Sir Laurence Olivier.
Best Shirtless Performance went to Zac Efron in ‘That Awkward Moment.’
Decades from now, Efron’s grandchildren will point to the trophy on his mantle and ask what he did to get it. And he will answer, “Sit-ups.”
Best Fight went to Orlando Bloom and Evangeline Lilly for ‘The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.’
Hey, if MTV says so. I tuned out after the sixth dwarf musical number in that movie, so maybe the fight really was spectacular.
Mila Kunis playing the wicked witch in “Oz: The Great and Powerful” nabbed Best Villain.
In my day, we had another, scarier witch, and her name was Margaret Hamilton, and she suffered third-degree burns during the movie filming and nearly died from her toxic green makeup. That’s how it was done, kids.