Elisabeth Vincentelli

Elisabeth Vincentelli

Theater

Bonkers for boinking beasts in ‘Green Porno’

In her live show “Green Porno,” Isabella Rossellini talks about the birds and the bees . . . and the snails, the whales, the spiders and the dragonflies.

Based on Rossellini’s series of short films for the Sundance Channel, “Green Porno” is framed as a lecture in which she tells us about the sex life of animals. “It is not a pornographic conference,” the actress/writer warns. “It is obscene, yes.”

Rossellini — who’s currently studying for a master’s in animal behavior and conservation at Hunter — addresses the audience from behind a lectern. She looks appropriately serious in her reading glasses and conservative black attire.

This stands in contrast to the way she appears in the many excerpts from her shorts that are projected on a big screen. These videos have a deliciously DIY feel, with Rossellini in unflattering leotards surrounded by cardboard-and-felt props. In one hilarious clip, she’s a fly eating a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, then humping a fellow fly.

Like the series, the stage show is both zany and scientifically accurate.

Rossellini, who never wavers from a droll, deadpan tone, delights in the animal kingdom’s wide range of bizarre behavior. Bringing up Darwin, she talks about being fascinated with “sexual selection that makes us do crazy things.”

Like, for instance, the many ways some species find to counter “sneaky males.” To block out rivals, male rats leave behind “vaginal plugs” — “I assure you, it’s a scientific name!” Rossellini informs us.

Another eye-opening section illustrates a certain marine mammal’s taste for positions out of the Kama Sutra.

“With the dolphin, anything goes,” Rossellini says before screening a charmingly crude animation.

There’s also a discussion of penis size that may make some of the men in the audience cross their legs uncomfortably.

Toward the end, Rossellini brings up Noah’s Ark. “One male, one female,” she says. “How did he deal with biodiversity?”

Imagine what would happen if she took on the Bible next.