Nothing says “holiday joy” like jail for TV’s most famous men.
Late Thanksgiving night, the highest-paid (not to mention the randiest) man in all of sports got into a domestic dispute with his wife, crashed his car, got clubbed by said wife (literally) and ended up snoring on the side of the road before being hauled away, ruining Thanksgiving and the lives of his wife and Tiger cubs, not to mention his career.
On Christmas morning, the highest-paid (even randier) actor on TV wrecked Christmas for his (legally drunk) wife Brooke Mueller and their twins by attacking said wife with a knife and spending Christmas posting bail.
Maybe they should change those lyrics to “God Arrest Ye Merry Gentleman.”
But, unlike Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen’s latest vicious behavior has not ruined his career. Sheen’s only gotten richer and more popular every year for behavior so menacing he should be classified as a career criminal.
His rise up the Hollywood ladder — and corresponding crime wave — began in 1990 when he shot his fiancée Kelly Preston “by mistake.” In 1991, he was rewarded with a starring role in “Rookies.”
In 1995, he was outed as one of Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss’s deepest-pocketed clients ($110,000!). He cooperated with the police and testified against her at the trial.
That same year he sailed through the assault of a UCLA student who refused to have sex with him by settling out of court. In 1996, he was “punished” with a big gig on “Spin City.”
Enter 1997 and he knocked his then-girlfriend Brittany Ashland to the floor and split her lip. He got a year’s suspended sentence, two years probation, a $2,800 fine and a gig narrating “Discovery Mars,” a TV special. Not bad for a high school dropout.
The following year, after smoking crack and injecting coke, his father Martin Sheen reported him for violating parole and forced him into rehab. He starred in four movies that year.
In 2005, the “Two and a Half Men” star’s pregnant wife Denise Richards divorced him for catting around with hookers, gambling, drug and alcohol abuse. He was nominated for a Golden Globe and launched a kids’ clothing line shortly thereafter.
This Christmas day brought him two distinctions: his Yuletide knife attack against his wife and another “Outstanding Comedy Actor” Emmy nomination. O, the joy!
So why will Sheen get yet an other pass while Woods has been cowed as a cad after his first scandal? I mean, it’s not like Woods has had more women than Sheen, nor committed domestic violence. He’s the one who got clubbed by his wife. Tiger didn’t rat out his hookers — they ratted him out.
The answer is simple.
Sheen never pretended to be a good guy. He’s a spouse, drug and alcohol abuser — who is charming enough on camera to pass as a bad boy instead of a bad man in real life.
Woods, our hero, turned out to be a paper Tiger. Fans would rather stand by their man than be fooled by him.
As George W. Bush so eloquently put it: “Fool me . . . you can’t get fooled again.”