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The Hamptons’ most annoying crybabies are getting a nanny.
In a ruling that treats Christie Brinkley and ex-hubby Peter Cook like bickering second-graders, a Long Island judge signed off on a unique deal: The two will never again speak to each other and will get a “parenting coordinator” to supervise their dealings with their two teens.
The former model and the East End architect should have no problem with the first part of the settlement. They haven’t had any contact — apart from venomous courtroom glares — for the past two years.
The pact, approved by fed-up Suffolk Supreme Court Justice Mark Cohen, was formally signed Sunday by the couple.
The second part may be harder for the brawling pair.
Their co-parenting of Sailor, 14, and Jack, 17, has been nothing short of a disaster with each side accusing the other of failing to adhere to preset schedules and stiffing them on the childrens’ expenses.
The parenting coordinator will mediate disputes over the teens’ visitations and expenses and make sure Brinkley and Cook carry out whatever deals they make.
Celebrity divorce attorney Raoul Felder said the no-speaking clause and coordinator measures are unusual but might have been necessary in this case.
“My sense of the dynamics are that he wants to get married and she just can’t let go of that spotlight,” said Felder, who is not involved in the case.
“It’s a dangerous brew when you have that. It’s pretty sad when two intelligent people can’t arrange for kids’ visitation without an intermediary.”
The deal, which avoids a second trial, is designed to bring an end to the couple’s soap opera.
But true to form, both sides celebrated the unexpected resolution with a fresh round of attacks in the form of dueling statements.
Cook, who claimed victory, skewered Brinkley as a self-centered shrew with no regard for the consequences of her actions.
“Christie may never understand or come to regret the bitterness she has left in people’s hearts, including our children’s, but, as we are all aware, no money, no religion or church, no eulogy, no media attention or magazine article, no matter how elaborate, can remove the legacy of a mean spirit,” he said.
Cook also advised his former wife to seek counseling: “It is my sincere hope that Christie will begin to address her anger issues as our court-appointed forensic psychiatrist suggested she do over four years ago.”
The Uptown Girl, meanwhile, got down and dirty on Facebook as she slammed her philandering ex as a rampaging narcissist.
“Once and for all, this is my last word on the subject,” she wrote.
“Let it be known, that I ‘moved on’ from my marriage to Peter Cook the moment a police officer tapped me on the shoulder and informed me that ‘my husband had been cheating on me in a two year affair with his 17-year-old-daughter.’
“Since that moment, it has been an odyssey of frustration as I have navigated the court system with one goal — to find peace and protection for my family from the various forms of abuse at the hands of a narcissist.”
Not to be left out, Cook’s current wife, Suzanne Shaw, submitted her own rebuttal to Brinkley.
“Your dishonesty knows no bounds,” Shaw stated before offering a list of “lies” presented by her nemesis.
“You have not sought peace or protection for your family. You routinely leave your children with Peter months at a time while you are off pursuing other interests,” it read.