You just started dating a new guy, and you just can’t get enough of him. Sure, you’ve blown off the last couple of wine nights with your girlfriends. Maybe you’ve skipped the gym for evenings at home on the couch with your man. But you’re in love! No big deal, right?
Wrong. You need to get your mind right, says Tionna Smalls. The no-nonsense Brooklyn native’s new MTV show, “Girl, Get Your Mind Right,” premieres May 20. In it, the former Gawker dating columnist will help women learn what they’re doing wrong in their relationships and tell them how to break bad habits.
Smalls, 28, gave us five tips for women to get their mind right, right now:
1. Don’t give up your life for a man
Smalls says the first mistake women make when they get into a new relationship is blowing off their friends for their guy.
“A man likes a girl with her own life, bottom line,” she says.
In other words, men respect a woman who maintains her friendships and routines. (And you’ll be happy you didn’t ditch your buddies later on.)
That means no skipping spin class just because you have a new beau.
“I see it everyday,” she says. “You see a slim woman, and all of a sudden she’s fat. She gave up her whole regimen; she let herself go.”
2. Don’t take crap from a man
If a guy isn’t making enough time for you, dump him.
“Especially in New York, guys are always so busy. Busy doing what? Stop it. You make time for what you want to make time for,” she says. “Obama’s busy, Jay-Z’s busy, but they keep their women happy. I don’t want some regular dude saying he ain’t got time to spend with me.”
And women need to establish their standards early in the relationship by telling their mates how much time and attention they expect. Couples should also define cheating — does it have to be sex, for example, or is talking to other women a no-no for you? Men will treat a woman the way she demands to be treated.
“If you start off strong, you’ll never end wrong, baby!” she says.
3. Always have a BUP (backup plan)
Smalls suggests all women date at least three men at once.
“You need to find out what it is you like, especially in your 20s,” she says. “Try one guy who is the money man, one guy who is the funny man, one guy might be the sex guy.”
And she says to keep juggling until you’re engaged — or at least in a serious relationship.
4. Change up your look
Sported the same hairstyle since high school? “That’s why you feel like that same chubby-faced little girl,” Smalls says. “But when you switch it up, put a little weave in there, you know what I’m saying? All of a sudden, you’re a Betty!”
Smalls, who is currently dating around, says she is constantly changing her own style: “Changing up your look spruces your life, girl.”
5. Love yourself
Smalls says the No. 1 reason women don’t get the relationships they deserve is low self-esteem. Smalls can tell right away from how a woman carries herself that she has low self-worth — she doesn’t hold her head up high, the tone of her voice — and men can see that, too.
“I love myself, so I know!” she says. “A man can see that you take care of yourself, that you’re into yourself. That’s how he knows he has to come correct, bottom line.”