I enjoy sea cruises. Good value, lotsa eats, easy to relax. Can read three books in seven days. The office can’t get you unless you go to the e-mail lounge, which I avoid. Not much I can do if I’m needed; I’m on the Atlantic Ocean, fer crying out loud!
I hide in the bathroom during mandatory muster. If I’m caught by the room steward, I tell him or her that I’ve got stomach issues. “Oh, I’m sorry.” That always does it.
Besides, if the ship’s going down, I’ll look for the nearest life vest; I’m not going to walk down five flights, then 150 yards to reach the life vest in my room, then head back up to my designated muster station. Women and children, eventually!
Anyway, in nearly 20 cruises, I’d never been sick. Until the last one. And that had nothing to do with the sea, but what was on TV.
The trip was on the Cunard Line’s Queen Mary 2, a British ship. As such, there were only a few available US TV stations. One was MSNBC.
And because US commercials were eliminated, that time was replaced with MSNBC house ads — promos and self-image spots. Over and over, then over and over.
Nearly all of those promos starred MSNBC commentators who were there to tell you that they and MSNBC are in place to save the United States from what it is: a hate-filled, unwelcoming behemoth; a racist, bigoted, environmental disaster of a country in which the wealthy enslave the poor, holding them down, sentencing them and their kids to a life of misery.
MSNBC’s “stars” took their repetitive turns — loose-cannon Chris Matthews; looser-cannon Rev. Al Sharpton; salt-of-the-earther Ed Schultz. All with the same basic message: We’re working to elevate America from its position as the worst place on Earth.
Now, this wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d been ordered to stay in my cabin, as per my fabricated stomach ailment. There were other channels. I could see what time it is in Singapore, anytime I wished.
But large, two-TV consoles were installed all around the ship, and they stayed on 24/7 — one carried the BBC, the other MSNBC.
These TVs carrying MSNBC’s relentless messages were everywhere: in the gym, above all the bars, in the lobbies, in the breakfast and lunch rooms, at the pools, in the casino. I ate to it, swam to it, drank to it, lounged to it, lost to it.
And at all times they told an international manifest of 2,620 passengers and 1,253 crew members that the Land of Liberty ain’t worth a damn. . . but MSNBC is America’s last and only hope.
As sea cruises go, MSNBC was as inescapable as it was sickening. Yet, when I re-entered the US, the US Customs official was pleasant and welcoming. I felt compelled to ask. He told me he loves his job. I must’ve found the one guy.
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Just once — I’ll buy him or her dinner — we’d like to hear a reporter assigned to a televised news conference ask the question that’s never asked, the one left to dangle.
For example, when a government official announces “a new, zero-tolerance policy,” wouldn’t it be nice if a reporter followed with, “Then what was the previous tolerance level? Nine percent, 18, 46 per cent?”
The word-goop has become epidemic. NJ Gov. Christie’s office recently announced that the State last year scored higher on issues of “transparency.” Huh? You mean telling people the truth, or being able to see and hear through all the bunk?
A Quicken Loans TV ad claimed that it was offering “a very unique” opportunity. It’s either unique or it isn’t. “Very unique” is like “very dead.”
“Robbery gone bad.” You can handle that one. But then there’s the “Robbery gone bad, committed by a career criminal.” The guy took courses? Does he get paid vacations?