At this point, it’s my fault for expecting better, for expecting to tune to local newscasts from the Media Capital of the World to watch and hear legitimate news broadcasts surrounded and supported by credible commercials.
Monday, May 13, 5:40 p.m. Tune to Ch. 4, WNBC News. There’s a commercial for a laxative, MiraLAX. Yep, it’s a miracle laxative. At the ad’s end, a graphic in smallish print appears along the bottom. It reads:
“Generally produces a bowel movement in one to three days.”
One to three days!? If one is moved — sorry — to purchase a laxative after having not “gone” in a couple of days and ingests this product, then finally scores two or three days later, one should conclude that MiraLAX, what, works? Works great?
Even the line down at the DMV moves faster than that!
One can imagine a (non-attorney spokesman) testimonial: “I hadn’t gone in two days. Then I tried MiraLAX. Three days later, presto! Now I go every four, five days. Thank you, MiraLAX!”
To the news: Ch. 4 co-anchor Tom Llamas sends us to a show-and-tell: Comic Steve Harvey has been enshrined on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame.
That’s nice, I like Harvey. Funny and clean. TV, I figured, had deemed the two incompatible, if not impossible.
Then back to the studio where co-anchor Shiba Russell explained — between the lines — why the sidewalk cementing of Harvey was news:
“And a quick reminder: You can watch Steve on the ‘Steve Harvey Show,’ right here on NBC-4, New York, weekdays at 3 p.m.”
What a coincidence. But at least that setup kicked in faster than MiraLAX.
Back to Llamas, who told us that NBC’s fall preview has been previewed! For the next three minutes we got an NBC promo poorly posed as legit news; scheduling changes, new shows, returning shows, video of their stars.
I’d watched roughly five consecutive minutes of NBC-4 News and seen and heard nothing but commercials, most of them originating from the Ch. 4 News’ studio and presented as news.
That was enough of the insults and violations of the public’s trust from one newscast. I didn’t need MiraLAX to know it was time to go.
Saturday, May 18, 6 p.m., WCBS’s Ch. 2 News. At the top, anchor Cindy Hsu claimed that she had “breaking news” to report:
The assailant shot dead in the break-in death of 21-year-old Hofstra student Andrea Rebello has been identified as 30-year-old ex-con Dalton Smith.
But that wasn’t “breaking news.” It was several-hours-old news. Breaking news is news that is happening, or even just happened, not news that happened hours ago.
But “breaking news” has become a dishonest sales device, a con. And no dishonest come-on is unworthy of duplication; thus all local newscasts now hustle “breaking news” long after it broke.
On NBC-4 News, 45 minutes later, the identification of Dalton Smith was not deemed “breaking news,” but, according to anchor David Ushery, this was: A 60-car accident in Virginia.
But that “breaking news” occurred at 2:30 p.m. What was happening finished happening four hours earlier!
On Ch. 7’s 6 p.m. “Eyewitness News,” Saturday, reporter Darla Miles was dispatched to the scene of that Friday night/Saturday morning murder of a gay man, Mark Carson, in Greenwich Village.
That there likely wasn’t much to eye-witness, 18 hours later, “right across the street,” as Miles said, was then emphasized when a bus pulled up right behind her. It was seen departing as Miles’ report ended.
If showing “right across the street” was deemed essential, the only folks who had an opportunity to see it were on that bus.
Sunday, at 6:12 p.m., Ch. 4 promoted a live report from Tracie Strahan. She had the latest breaking news on NBC’s “Celebrity Apprentice.”
But, because good things come to those who wait, there’s MiraLAX, the laxative that provides instant relief — “generally in one to three days.”