WE REPEAT: The sports world has become satire-proof. Stuff you can’t make up – wouldn’t make up – breaks out every day. And what I don’t want to address because it’s just too absurd, I can’t ignore.
So, in order to eliminate all doubt that Yankees radio broadcasts have never been worse, never more unprofessional, Suzyn Waldman, during Monday’s season-ending postgame show, began to weep, literally began to cry. That makes for a nice companion piece to when she became unhinged – hysterical – in May, when Roger Clemens’ return was announced.
The only thing missing Monday was John Sterling calling Waldman’s conduct fair when it was foul.
Last week, Waldman explained to a columnist that criticism for her sobbing Monday was “as sexist as it gets.”
That’s the straw that breaks my bend-over-backwards indulgence and my silence. I was inclined initially to give her a slide by ignoring this latest episode, in large part because she is a woman – admittedly a form of reverse sexism. But her behavior Monday, followed by her cry of sexism, only served to re-enforce every lunk-headed, antiquated negative stereotype about the emotional fragility of women in positions once only assigned to men.
*
Now well-rested, Carlos Zambrano has been named by Lou Piniella to be the Cubs’ Opening Day starter. . . . Postseason TV lookalikes: We’ve received a ton, again, claiming that TBS’ Bob Brenly and CBS’ Bill Cowher are the same guy. And David Phillips of Greenfield, Mass., submits TBS sideline (foul line?) reporter Craig Sager and Steve Spurrier.
Quoting George Steinbrenner as if he’s the same old Boss when he only momentarily seemed like the same old Boss strikes me as wrong. So does the media’s following the story as if he’s the same old Boss, as if his diminished mental capacity hadn’t kept him shuttered the last two years.
The first two rounds of the Masters moving from USA Network to ESPN starting this April sounds a bit like the Vatican being moved to Vegas. But Mike Tirico – not Chris Berman – already has been named ESPN’s host. The press release doesn’t mention Berman, which could mean a Gary McCord-like Masters exclusion was pre-emptive.
Strong stuff Thursday from Devils MSG/FSN producer Roland Dratch. After New Jersey forward David Clarkson and Florida defenseman Bryan Allen got into a garbage-time hassle, Dratch pulled tape of Clarkson and Allen nearly going at it a week earlier, an incident that ended with a tacit “catch ya’ later.”
TBS’ Chip Caray is yet another sportscaster who says “irony” when he tells of coincidences. A coincidence is a similar happenstance – two kids, both named Ralph, become best friends on their first day of school. An irony is one of the kids named Ralph is a girl.
If TBS’ idea was to show so many promos for “Frank TV” that we’d be sick of it before it started, it’s working. . . . That TBS graphic showing the lead from first base that a runner might take – the one with one arrow pointing toward second, the other arrow toward first – is a real viewer-aid, ain’t it? It’s worth, when wisely applied, nothing. But it looks smart, and that’s what counts.
*
Jim Miller, a college chum of mine, has a son, Jimmy, who plays tight end for USC. He has another son, Jeff, a defensive tackle at UCLA. Last Saturday, UCLA, a 22-point favorite at home, lost to Notre Dame. USC, a 41-point favorite, lost at home to Stanford.
Surely, two bigger favorites have never lost on the same day in the same state, let alone in the same town. And here my boy Miller has a kid on each.
But on the same day, our alma mater, Division III Waynesburg (Pa.), remained undefeated with a win at home against St. Vincent. Miller has proposed a Waynesburg-UCLA or Waynesburg-USC bowl game, but, he figures, neither USC nor UCLA will play if they have to give points.
*
Need a sign of the times? Try this:
In 1983, when golf’s Skins Game debuted, it was criticized as an ugly, 18-hole, risk-free, rich-get-richer, made-for-TV enterprise. But with the total prize money at $360,000, none of the four stars invited – Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson and Gary Player – could turn it down.
For many years after that, and with the prize money rising, the Skins Game had no trouble attracting superstars including Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, Vijay Singh, Nick Faldo, Payne Stewart and Greg Norman.
But this year’s 25th Skins Game – Nov. 24 and 25 on ABC – had a hard time attracting even one of the top 5. The best it could do was Masters champ Zach Johnson, ranked eighth on the PGA Tour; Brett Wetterich, ranked 28th; defending Skins champ Stephen Ames, ranked 69th; and Skins Game semi-regular Fred Couples, who, due to injury, hardly plays on Tour.
So why the disconnect? Money. Though the purse is now $1 million to play a risk-free round of golf, that’s just not enough to interest many of the world’s best.