I have a female friend who proudly swears she’s never seen an episode of “Sex and the City.” She might be the only New York resident in possession of two X chromosomes who can make that claim.
The HBO show – which, if you haven’t heard, is also a forthcoming movie – was essential TV for millions of women, who took its pro-friendship message as gospel. Unfortunately, the antics of its leading ladies didn’t always provide the best examples for their viewers, many of whom continue to worship at the “SATC” altar. Carrie Bradshaw, we’re holding you responsible for the following developments, which you and your cohorts unleashed upon an unsuspecting city.
The juiciest conversations on the show always happened at man-free brunches. Real-life result? As my co-worker put it, “Thanks to ‘SATC,’ men now think that all women are doing at these things is sitting around talking about penis size.”
“Mr. Big” was the least of it. Male characters were regularly reduced to the sum of their most glaring characteristics. (In the most unfortunate case: “Skidmarks Guy.”) Which, of course, makes a dating prospect into nothing more than an anecdote to entertain friends with. Over brunch, preferably. (See No. 1.)
Carrie and her pals sprinted around the city in strappy sandals. As my fashion-writer colleague says, “Now everyone thinks running in high heels is cute. It’s not cute, it’s stupid.”
4. “Couldn’t help but wonder” moments
Cheated on your boyfriend? Threw a public hissy fit? OMG, it’s just like that one episode of “SATC”! So don’t sweat your own stupid, overly dramatic behavior . . . everything will be OK when the credits roll in 20 minutes. Or, you know, not.
When Samantha moved down to an apartment in the nascently trendy nabe, it was all over. Bye-bye, Rio Mar, hello, Lotus.
If you’re going to order a cocktail in a martini glass, for God’s sake, make it a martini. Do women really need to associate themselves with a drink that’s pink?
Buying ridiculously overpriced designer items (Birkin bag, anyone?) is a fun game for the rich and fictional. Buying them when you’re a regular person is a stultifying waste of money.
8. He’s a cad, but underneath it all he’s a good guy!
Why, exactly, did Carrie end up with Mr. Big? He cheated on her, he smoked cigars in her bed, he married a 25-year-old, he strung her along – but in the end, he was also Mr. Right. Way to fuel a million rationalizations for sub-par relationships!
9. The “He’s Just Not That Into You” phenomenon
One offhand (and initially funny) line launched a best-selling book and, later this year, a movie – all based on the earth-shattering theory that if a guy doesn’t seem interested, he isn’t.
10. The glamorization, then demonization, of singledom
It’s empowering to be on your own! Except, not really. Ultimately, all happy endings include men. Or so you’d think, if you took this show’s overarching story line to heart.
Memo to the women whispering incessantly in vinyasa class: You are not Carrie and Samantha at the center of your own episode. You’re two people in a class of 20, and you’re ruining everyone else’s peace and quiet.
12. Phrases like “funky spunk” and “za za zoo”
Maybe it’s just the female equivalent of “Seinfeld” phraseology. But most of this show’s “funny” invented terms were actually cringe-inducing – and still are.
13. Everyone’s a sex columnist
When Candace Bushnell was writing her column in the mid-’90s, she was carving out a niche for herself. Now you can’t swing a fake Fendi without hitting a sex/dating columnist.
Miranda introduced Charlotte to the wonders of the vibrator, but she picked a cheesy one. Fans may know “The Rabbit” by name, but they’d be well-advised to take a trip to Toys in Babeland, where higher-quality options await.
Sure, Miranda moved to Brooklyn at the series’ end – but she went kicking and screaming, reinforcing the anti-borough bias.
Women who wax are sexy, women who don’t are gross – so says the show, as well as the new movie’s trailer. Samantha was the biggest proponent of this everything-off approach, but let’s not forget – this is a character who also nearly burned off her own face getting a laser peel.
17. Making Magnolia inaccessible
At this popular West Village cupcake shop, lines of the show’s fans now regularly snake down the block. Ladies, there are soooo many calories in that buttercream frosting – wouldn’t you rather have Tasti-D-Lite? Charlotte totally ate that once.
18. Straight guys cannot be your friend
Stanford: gay. Anthony: gayer. Can anyone name a single heterosexual guy friend on the show? Here, women are confidantes, gay guys are stylists and wingmen, straight men are to be bedded, mocked or avoided – sometimes all three.
19. Fear of the great outdoors
It’s one thing to describe yourself as a “city person.” It’s another to totally freak out when you encounter a squirrel at your boyfriend’s country cabin.
Yes, it would be suicide to descend the stairs in Manolos. But the cabs-only show nearly totally ignored the subway – which is up there with Carrie Bradshaw as one of the major New York person-alities.