Sports

FRANCESA TREATING TRYOUTS LIKE NO. 2

OF ALL the awe-inspiring qualities abundant in Mike Francesa, the most awesome is that he’s satire-proof. His regal self-regard is so advanced that it can’t be topped in a spoof; he beats comedy to the punch.

Thus it only stood to reason that Francesa and WFAN lately have presented a conga line of men and women in on-air auditions to serve as Francesa’s sidekicks, only to have him cut them off, disallowing them to finish a thought or a sentence, big-timing and dismissing them as if they were the lowest form of humanity – that’s right, as if they’re callers to his show!

And from such auditions he and WFAN are supposed to choose a good fit?

If subservience to His Majesty is the position’s only qualification, a perched parrot, one trained to say, “You’re absolutely right, Mike,” will do just fine.

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Speaking of WFAN, it doesn’t matter that it’s a CBS/CBS Radio cross-promotional thing or that Phil Simms is a solid sports citizen; his gigs with Don Imus and now with Imus’s replacement, house pig Craig Carton, makes Simms party to the slime.

Never risk having to answer for the behavior of a bad risk. Look at all those media and political big shots who, after Imus took his inevitable fall, were left stained for having regularly indulged his low-brow and hate-filled act in exchange for promotion. As boxing refs instruct, “Protect yourself at all times.”

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ESPN’s “Monday Night Football” remains a cruel and usual form of torture. By early third quarter it had already tried to drown Giants-Browns in a vat of noisy nonsense when Brandon McDonald‘s interception return ended with Giants TE Kevin Boss tackling him by the ankle. Couldn’t miss it.

After hitting the ground, McDonald undercut and injured teammate Rodney Pool, to which Mike Tirico shouted, “His own man brings him down!” Huh?!

Given a replay and an injury timeout to get this fantastic story corrected, ESPN didn’t. But if paying close attention to fans in goofy hats and masks acting extra goofy for ESPN’s cameras counts, it was ESPN’s best telecast of the season.

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All nonsense, all the time:

Throughout the ALCS, TBS’s Chip Caray has reverted to decorating simple realities, thus making silly out of sense. Typical: With B.J. Upton at bat, Caray said, “He just missed a long home run his first time up when he flied out to [left fielder] Jason Bay.” In other words, he just missed hitting a long home run – by a lot.

Our favorite sportscaster-speak of the week was spoken by CBS’s Dick Enberg. Although he might have told us that Jets’ RB Leon Washington just lost four yards on a carry, Enberg reported that Washington ran for “a four-yard deficit.”

ESPN’s “SportsCenter” listing of all-time happenstances in Phillies and/or Dodgers postseason play included Dick Sisler‘s 1950 10th-inning homer. Yep, that was a pennant-clincher, but it happened in the last game of the regular season.

Then there was ESPNews, which identified Charlie Manuel as “Phillies Head Coach.”

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Atlas Shrugged: When Joe Cali, now 22, was paralyzed from the chest down three years ago in an auto accident, ESPN boxing analyst Teddy Atlas and the charitable foundation named in honor of Atlas’s late father, reached out.

Tomorrow, at an airstrip in Sussex, N.J., Cali and Atlas will do together what only Cali has always wanted to do – they’re jumping out of an airplane, going sky-diving.

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A Shill In The Air: Over the last two NHL seasons, MSG Network announcers, including Al Trautwig, never tired of celebrating Rangers’ forward Sean Avery as “a thorn in opponents’ sides,” “a pest and instigator who takes opponents out their games,” a valued Ranger well worth rooting for!

Ah, but Avery is no longer a Ranger, thus prior to Monday’s Devils-Rangers, Trautwig explained that “gone is Sean Avery and his shenanigans.” Funny, for those times Trautwig interviewed Avery, congratulated him for scoring and for getting in opponents’ heads – even noting a “Re-sign Avery!” chant from Rangers fans – he said nothing to Avery about his “shenanigans.”

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Ten weeks after Manny Ramirez became a Dodger, having quit on the Red Sox in a ploy to be traded, Fox’s Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, during Game 3 of the NLCS, noted Ramirez is upset because no L.A. pitcher retaliated after the Phils threw at him. Yep, with Manny it’s always all-for-one and one-for- all!

The Jets are playing the Bengals, a team, far more than most, laid low by players given to criminal con duct. During a break, CBS airs a commercial for “Grand Theft Auto IV.” Per fect!

phil.mushnick@nypost.com