SEPARATE but equal may not fly with the Supreme Court, but Suze Orman thinks it’s the way to go.
Calm down – she’s talking about money.
In the most recent issue of Ms., the financial advice whiz declared that couples should maintain their own individual bank accounts – even if they also share a joint account.
We’re not talking about your super-rich, prenup-having boldface names, either, but regular couples.
The blogosphere reaction was swift and startling.
“Separate accounts don’t make for an equal relationship,” said one commenter at jezebel.com. Another said she and her husband practice what Orman preaches: “My husband and I have both shared and separate money. We are bipartisan.”
In the nonvirtual world, one newlywed’s friends were shocked when she began to deposit her paycheck into a single joint checking account. Her husband takes care of the bills – and if you don’t trust someone with your money, why are you even married? Besides, she says, “It’s what my parents did.”
Kambri Crews also followed her parents’ lead. The publicist, now 37, began pooling income with her husband after she married at 17.
And she paid dearly: “For every $5 he had, he’d spend $10,” she recalls. “We had a tremendous amount of credit card debt.” She unloaded the spendthrift at 23 – but lived with the bad credit rating much longer. Now remarried, she and her husband keep separate accounts, split expenses 50-50 and have an accountant pay the bills.
To be sure, there are as many ways to handle money as there are to mishandle it, and absolutely everyone has an opinion about it, but one thing is clear: Orman is not alone.
Martha Burk, the money editor at Ms. who wrote the Orman profile, also advises separate accounts and a third joint one for household charges. “One needs a room of one’s own, so to speak,” she says. And, incidentally, she thinks the aforementioned newlywed’s decision is a “huge mistake.”
“When you’re still trying to build assets and, frankly, build a life, and you don’t know where that’s going, it’s foolish not to have separate assets – not only for her, but for the husband, too,” she says.
Leonard Schwarz, who writes a financial column for Money magazine with his wife Jeanne Fleming, agrees that one account is risky. “Two accounts can work perfectly fine,” he says. “One is generally a bad idea.”
“Most marriages tend to do better if both spouses have some degree of financial independence,” Fleming adds.
It’s not that they’re against all the warm and fuzzy parts of being a couple – it’s just that money and spending styles aren’t warm and fuzzy. Financial compatibility is typically a learn-as-you-go proposition.
“You could marry someone and not know that every time their brother asks them for money, they give it to him,” says Schwarz.
He suggests setting up “mad money” accounts, explaining, “If you’re extravagant, you don’t want to share an account with someone who disapproves of every dollar you spend.”
Of course, the most important – and most ignored – advice is also the most obvious: Talk.
David Bach, author of “Smart Couples Finish Rich,” Redbook columnist and advocate of “he, she and we accounts,” recommends couples have standing “money dates,” monthly and annual tete-a-tetes during which they review spending and savings goals.
Downloading expenses to Quicken or Microsoft Money, or free programs such as Mint.com or wesabe.com, can help get the conversation started.
But in the end – and full disclosure, I fall into the he-she-we-account camp – couples have to find a process that works for them, no matter what the rules are.
Burk, the Ms. magazine editor, admits that she and her husband shared one account throughout their marriage. “I’m past the uncertain years of life,” the 67-year-old admits, laughing.
Meanwhile Bach, 42, is in the process of divorcing – although he says he didn’t argue about finances with his ex.
marymhuhn@nypost.com