There’s an elephant in the room. No, I mean it — there’s really is an elephant in the room.
That, tragically, is one of the big ongoing jokes on tonight’s pretty horrible premiere of ABC’s new sit-no-com, “Mr. Sunshine.”
The premiere, which was written by and stars “Friends‘ ” Matthew Perry, has a premise that’s full of possibility but a delivery that never arrives.
The series centers on Ben Donovan (Perry), the manager of a 17,000-seat San Diego sports arena called the Sunshine Center. He is the guy who deals with everything and everybody from the circus performers who tumble to the athletes who grumble.
But Ben is so busy having friends-with-benefits sex with the arena’s marketing director Alice (Andrea Anders) in the company box during full-capacity basketball games that he hardly has time to concentrate on work. And she’s so busy juggling sex with both Ben and co-worker Alonzo (James Lesure) that it’s a wonder she bothers getting re-dressed.
But, alas, Alice decides to drop Ben in favor of Alonzo, because he will make a commitment to her.
Then, there’s Allison Janney of the “The West Wing” as arena owner Crystal Cohen. This is not just her worst role to date, but perhaps anyone’s worst role to date.
Crystal is so callous, she even forgets that she has given birth to a son. In fact, during a speech in the presence of said grown son, Roman (Nate Torrence, the best one in the whole show), she says, “Maybe the reason I love children so much is because I’ve never had one of my own.”
During that same speech, she throws a small child to the floor when clowns with knives walk into the room. (Another huge laugh-killer there.)
Crystal is also a sex-on-the-job kinda person, and orders Ben to arrange a match-up with her and John Cougar Mellencamp, who will be performing at the arena. “I would very much like to make love to him.” Yes, it’s that bad.
The last buffoonish, cartoonish character is Ben’s unfortunate assistant Heather (Portia Doubleday), who once set a boyfriend on fire, which apparently left him horribly disfigured. If that doesn’t have you laughing, well, I just don’t know what will?
Oh — about that elephant?
It is loose inside the building, and no one can find it — until the closing scene. They should have just followed the stink. It’s everywhere.
‘FRIENDS’ THROUGH THE FLOPS
Jennifer Aniston: The most successful “Friend” did big box office with “Marley & Me” but needed a dog license for “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
Matt LeBlanc: After looking like he’s been mostly sitting around since “Joey,” he found his footing in Showtime’s “Episodes.”
Courteney Cox: First series, “Dirt,” produced by her estranged husband David Arquette was so bad, it’s no wonder they split up. Now, she’s got a hit in ABC’s “Cougar Town.”
Lisa Kudrow: A hit in “Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion,” but a miss in HBO’s “The Comeback,” she’s back with NBC’s “Who Do You Think You Are?”
David Schwimmer: Hit movie “The Pallbearer” gave way to only voicing Melman the giraffe in the “Madagascar” animated films.