From the Great Big Book of Nevers:
Never bet on the bully in an after-school fight.
Never take financial advice from the son of a rich man.
Never read the ingredients to a Slim-Jim. Just enjoy.
Those who say, “To make a long story short” are always too late. They never do. They never can.
Never buy a skinny kid a tuba.
Never buy a treadmill when you already have something to hang laundry from.
Never put anything past your sister-in-law.
Never eat Cheez-Doodles on the way to a funeral, especially if you’re a pall-barer.
Never pull into a gas station to ask directions and assume that the other person in the car was listening.
Outside of the cable TV business, where the fix is always in, never — never — think that anything with Jimmy Dolan’s DNA on it is going to work.
No matter the rush of blood to the head following the Carmelo Anthony deal, it’s impossible to conclude that it was completed without Dolan rejecting good advice and soliciting and accepting bad advice. He’s gifted, that way.
His instincts are special. He’s sly as a box, sharp as a sack, faster than a speeding pullet.
And Knicks fans, one way or another — or in all ways — again are going to pay.
I’ve nothing scientific nor statistical to cite beyond this: Since the Cablevision Crew entered Madison Square Garden in 1994, and despite fiscal and territorial advantages, the place has become Bummer Flats, with almost all the good, proud people who worked at the Garden identified, lined up and marched out.
Wherever Dolan treads, wherever he’s involved in a reasonably fair fight — basketball and hockey games with referees, for example — failure either closely follows or is just around the corner, waiting for him.
Why should this one, no matter how good it might smell, be any different?
It has nothing to do with Anthony, Isiah Thomas, Donnie Walsh, nor anyone else involved or not involved. It has everything to do with Dolan.
You’ll see. It’ll be another entry in the Great Big Book of Nevers.
Francesa makes it official: Danilo is no Melo
MIKE Francesa’s such a colossal blowhard it’s a shame WFAN isn’t generated by windmill. Wednesday, as readers quickly noted, his know-it-all take on the Carmelo Anthony deal produced enough hot air to spin the turbines that power Minneapolis and St. Paul.
As if to clarify for the confused, he repeated — and repeated (and repeated) — that Danilo Gallinari, traded to Denver, “is a nice player, but he’s not Carmelo Anthony.”
So who ever said differently? Did anyone ever compare the two as equal talents? Francesa seemed to fabricate an issue in order to apply his expertise to debunk it.
But His Highness wasn’t done. Francesa next concluded that Gallinari is “maybe a guy who grows into a 17-point scorer, an 18-point scorer.”
Not that Francesa would know, but Gallinari this season has averaged 16 points.
➤ ESPN’s dishonest rush for self-promotion has led to this: Wednesday both ESPN Radio and ESPN.com credited ESPN’s Chris Broussard with breaking the Carmelo Anthony trade.
Yet, when Broussard was introduced by Colin Cowherd on ESPN Radio as having broken the story, Broussard, to the credit of honest reporters everywhere, made it clear that he hadn’t, that the scoop belonged to the Denver Post.
No matter, Cowherd continued to credit “ESPN’s Chris Broussard.”
But ESPN has painted itself into such a mindlessly self-serving corner that when one of its reporters does break a story — and is given credit for it — thoughtful sports fans are conditioned to doubt it.
Faldo gives Tiger a pass on bad putt
I’M CRAZY for CBS/Golf Channel’s Nick Faldo, consider him the best addition to televised golf since the hand-held camera. He’s quick, clever and generally honest. But when it comes to Tiger Woods, he’s like the rest — he’s a panderer, a bootlicker.
Wednesday, during GC/NBC’s telecast of the World Match Play Championships, Woods missed a five-footer after the ball took a hop off his putter. Woods might have helped it hop with an upper-cut stroke or it might have hit an abrasion on the green, directly in his line.
Faldo, who instantly recognized the hop, chose to fully blame an abrasion (a spike mark? an unrepaired pitch mark?) on the green. It was obvious, Faldo concluded.
OK, but if that was the case, why didn’t Woods repair that mark — the way Faldo and most pros and many amateurs do as a matter of courtesy and sportsmanship — after he putted?
Incidentally, since Comcast’s acquisition of NBC, NBC Sports has been operating Golf Channel, which is also owned by Comcast. Thus, Faldo is in the odd position of working for both CBS and NBC Sports.
➤ The Jets have raised ticket prices? Once they sold you a PSL (or two, or four), why wouldn’t they? That’s the beauty of PSLs — unless you can sell yours, doubtless at a loss or they would all have been sold — you’re stuck. There’s no turning back; you’re the sustained dope in a double-shot scam.
Roger Goodell’s scandalous claim that PSLs “are good investments” continues to echo, as if he were Chancellor of the Madoff School of Economics.
Woody Johnson and PSLs. Fred Wilpon and Bernie Madoff. Jim Dolan and Isiah Thomas. On and on it goes, sports fans. For my money, I’d go with the firm of Kramden & Norton.
➤ So what, the world’s best were playing close matches Wednesday? Golf Channel/NBC chose to show Tiger Woods lining up 20 footers from both sides, instead. Ridiculous.
And with Woods eliminated after his first match, TV’s choice to place its eggs in Woods’ basket, again leads to self-defeated TV.
Yesterday’s coverage, not that anyone should have cared, was more balanced, more exciting, too (Rickie Fowler played out of his mind, smoking Phil Mickelson). But when you’re no longer able to show Woods throwing grass in the air, that’s bound to happen.