NFL

TD dances cost Bills in loss to Jets’

Ancient Rome, with HOV lanes.

I wish there were someone in charge to let us know if this is how football will be played until further notice.

Yep, another week in which football grew closer to looking indistinguishable from surveillance video of street crime, with beatings and stompings included. Another week of aggravated assaults on what’s left of the good senses.

Let’s work in the direction we’re headed — backward.

Yesterday it didn’t matter to Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson that his team was in a must-win game. Not a bit. His endless second-quarter post-touchdown catch mocking of the Jets, including a mime of Plaxico Burress collapsing after shooting himself in the leg — I can’t believe I’m writing this — cost the Bills 15 yards on the kickoff, a flag and fact that went totally missed by Marv Albert, Rich Gannon and apparently everyone in the CBS booth and truck!

Didn’t anyone see the Bills were kicking off from their 20? Didn’t anyone want to know why? Even before Johnson’s late-game dropped pass, his stupidity cost Buffalo the game! The Bills flubbed the kick, which likely would have given the Jets great field position anyway. Moments later, the Jets scored to tie the game.

And not that anyone at CBS knew, but a year ago today, Johnson dropped a pass alone in the end zone that would have been the OT game-winner against Pittsburgh, a game Buffalo lost. It happened on CBS!

And not that anyone at CBS knew, but Johnson had previously been fined $5,000 for excessive post-TD catch behavior. Then said, “I don’t regret it.”

Yesterday, the Jets were down three to the Bills, driving with 1:44 left, when Plaxico Burress, after making a nice catch, was late to see Mark Sanchez’s no-huddle signals. Burress was busy performing a how-great-I-art first-down bit.

Saturday night on/for ABC/ESPN, Stanford — against Notre Dame — broke out its latest in tradition-killing Nike gangsta-wear, again abandoning school colors in what appeared to be black-helmeted executioners’ costumes.

Saturday on the SEC Network, Kentucky, school colors blue and white, but only since 1882, played Tennessee in blue and black football uniforms, per Nike’s instructions.

And how often does Kentucky beat Tennessee in football? The Wildcats had lost 26 straight to the Vols, but were up 10-7 in the fourth quarter Saturday. That’s when Kentucky defensive back Randall Burden decided to act up, misconduct that gave Tennessee 15 yards. Despite itself, Kentucky won.

Friday, on ESPN, Pittsburgh was beating “Backyard Brawl” rival West Virginia 20-14 halfway through the fourth quarter when Pitt defensive tackle Aaron Brown decided to perform one of those macho-stupid, after-whistle numbers on the player he just helped tackle.

The 15-yard penalty gave West Virginia a first down at the Pitt 28. Several plays later, the Mountaineers would score, the PAT giving them a 21-20 lead. Final score: 21-20.

Unreal! Crazy! And now as common as drunks in the parking lot.

Thanksgiving Night, after the Packers beat the Lions, Green Bay linebacker Erik Walden was arrested for assaulting his girlfriend, a charge now so common against college-bred NFL players that it ranks third, behind false starts and pass interference.

Thanksgiving Day, the Lions’ recidivist head-breaker, Ndamukong Suh, with calm and erudition, told us to suspend belief of what we saw in the third quarter — his ejection after another on-field, post-tackle brutalization of an opponent — to instead believe we didn’t see what we saw, that he was innocent, that the officials made him the victim.

Ancient Rome, baby.

* If Rutgers radio analyst Ray Lucas — a former Scarlet Knights quarterback who also works for SNY — is serious about a broadcasting career, he should try telling us about the game, as opposed to what he “hopes” will happen to benefit Rutgers.

* Anyone notice how these far-away Thanksgiving college basketball tournaments — Alaska, Mexico — are played to mostly empty arenas? Anchorage’s Great Alaska Shootout this year included local favorite South Florida.

* The Lead: ESPN’s Urban Meyer is leaving ESPN to coach Ohio State, ESPN.com reports. Details on ESPN’s “SportsCenter,” next here on ESPN.

* Gary Danielson’s repeated references to LSU coach Les Miles on Friday as “Les” were, shall we say, too cozy for comfort.

* What do you think ESPN Classic programmed directly against Alabama-Auburn on CBS? A documentary on the Alabama-Auburn game.

* Newly retired John Paul Stevens, 35 years a Supreme Court Justice, told the Washington Post he’ll continue to “watch the Redskins.” At 90 years old, did he mean football or the Sioux and Comanches?

* A CBS graphic yesterday told us Mark Sanchez is the first Jets quarterback to throw four TD passes in a game since Brett Favre in 2008. Er, fellas, Sanchez has been the only Jets quarterback since Brett Favre.

Ticketmaster all wet over Katrina

In 2005, the Giants were scheduled to play the Saints in New Orleans, as they are tonight. But Hurricane Katrina made that impossible. The game was switched to a Monday night at Giants Stadium.

Ticketmaster, accused of quick-profiting from the tragedy by charging a $10.30 per ticket “convenience fee,” then announced its take would be donated to the Katrina relief effort.

More than 68,000 attended the game. Conservatively, Ticketmaster sold 45,000 of those tickets. If $10.30 of every ticket sold were to be donated, then Ticketmaster would have donated more than $400,000. Now that’s something any company would be eager to tell everyone.

But not another word about it was heard from Ticketmaster or the NFL.

A year later, when pressed by this column for details — how many tickets did it sell, how much was donated, to which charity or charities was the money donated — Ticketmaster’s response was essentially, “None of your business.” It’s official, vague response was, “We honored our commitment.”

Six years later, the entire matter still stinks like an NFL-enabled charity scam.

* Plain-talk is trending dead. There is no faux-hip silly term sportscasters won’t repeat. On FOX Sports Net’s Houston-Tulsa, seen on MSG2, Tulsa tight end Clay Sears caught a pass for what appeared to be 4 yards. All analyst J.C. Pearson told us was it was for “positive yards.”

Yesterday, throughout Bills-Jets, CBS’ Rich Gannon reached for them all. Bills defensive back Da’Norris Searcy didn’t merely play a lot last week, he “played a lot of snaps last week.” And one doesn’t fumble, one, “puts the ball on the ground.”

phil.mushnick@nypost.com