A root canal seems a more pleasurable way to pass two hours than this interminable vanity knockoff of “Traffic” about troubled Angelenos. It begins with Dane Cook procuring sperm to impregnate his desperate wife with a little help from his mistress — and goes steadily downhill from there.
Poor Barbara Hershey represents the older generation as Cook’s mother, who yearns for the return of her long-gone husband while Cook, a therapist, counsels a self-loathing African-American TV writer and a jobless alcoholic embroiled in a custody battle.
There’s also a troubled cop investigating the disappearance of a missing 10-year-old. You might want to follow that child’s lead and make yourself scarce, seeing as “Answers to Nothing” is making its contractually mandated appearance in theaters en route to video.