Romantic comedies are often as contrived and irritating as “Loosies,” but few feature a lead character so lacking in appeal.
A shameless vanity piece for its charm-free star and wit-deprived screenwriter, Peter Facinelli, the movie is about a supposedly rakish pickpocket named Bobby who roams the streets of New York in a business suit, ripping people off to pay his dad’s debt to a loan shark (Vincent Gallo). Meanwhile a cop (Michael Madsen), whose badge our hero stole, is closing in on the thief, resulting in lots of impish near-miss escapes. So relentless is Facinelli’s pretty-boy posing and so insipid his dialogue that I prayed for police brutality.
A one-night stand with a barmaid (Jaimie Alexander, a walking Michelle Monaghan knockoff) results in a pregnancy, and when she succeeds in notifying him of this news, the entire bland trajectory of this amateurish film becomes visible. Oh, and guess how they meet? He’s one of those guys who goes around bumming cigarettes, or “loosies.” And her name is . . . yep. Lucy. I hear your groans and second them, brother.