Julius Erving once said, “Ollie Taylor’s lower lip is the only fat he has on his body.”
One of scores from DeWitt Clinton High School’s celebrated leather-bound program to make it big — off the top, I can name Dolph Schayes, Tiny Archibald, Ron Behagen, Tom Henderson, Butch Lee, Steve Shepherd, Willie Worsley, Pablo Robertson, Barry Liebowitz, Ralph Kaplowitz, Gerry Harkness, Leo Gottlieb, Tom Byrnes and Tracy Morgan; just want to see if you’re paying attention — Taylor was naturally ripped without ever lifting a finger or abusing a substance.
And talk about being an outlaw of gravity! At 6-foot-2, Taylor jumped center for the University of Houston and rarely lost a tap. Early in his ABA career, I lost track of how many times off fast breaks he dunked on the domes of Artis Gilmore, Swen Nater, Zelmo Beaty, Jumbo Jim Eakins, Caldwell Jones and Billy Paultz, in practice.
As a pro, Taylor switched to the guard position and, as you can imagine considering his strength and acrobatics, wasn’t easy to trespass against … unless you strutted a dance of destruction.
Earl Monroe’s oddball dribbling and spin-dry cycle gave everybody fits, of course, but “what people don’t realize,” Taylor told me centuries ago following a Baker League-Rucker Tournament summer all-star game at Fordham, “is how hard he hits when he backs into you. He hurts. And while your body is still stiffened up, he uses it to pivot around you and ad-lib.”
Sadly, the thousands upon thousands of abrupt stops, painful rear-enders and wicked twists — in addition to external and internal pressure to play injured, the mindset of the times when jobs were scarce and money was scant — on the toll road ravaged Monroe’s body.
Today, the 67-year-old original “Magic,” “Pearl” and “Black Jesus” will undergo his 30th sobering surgical procedure, approximates Marita Green.
“This will be his fifth on his back and neck area,” said his wife, indicating he will need at least a couple more. “He’s also had five hip replacements. Amazingly, his knees were never operated on, but he told me the other day they’re starting to bother him.”
What’s equally amazing is Walt Frazier, as far as I know, smooth operator that he is, has not once gone under the knife.
Clyde’s lone disability is his wardrobe.
* Sources say Flip Saunders’ replacement choices on the bench in Washington have been whittled down to Paul Westphal, Gilbert Arenas and Herman Cain — or maybe it’s Erica.
Saying Saunders has lost custody of the Wizards is like saying Newt Gingrich has lost control of the Republican nomination.
At least Newt can run a tab at Tiffany’s.
A real threat to go 0-fer this condensed-soup season — or at least end up with one of the all-time low winning percentages — the 0-8 Wizards outdid themselves Sunday night, losing by 21 at home to the Wolverines.
I have it on good authority team owner Ted Leonsis plans to plant firearms in the office of team president Ernie Grunfeld and the lockers of not more than eight or nine players … then intends to tip off the league.
Tonight, the Raptors invade the Phone Booth: “Wizards basketball … come for the game, stay for the Propofol.”
* I’m old enough to remember when the 2-7 Fort Wayne Pistons were a proud member of the Association. After last night’s 92-68 crying shame in Chicago, the Pistons have lost their last four games by a mere 86 points and are averaging a league-worst 82.4 points per game. Not a single player is averaging as many as 16 points per pounding.
We ended the lockout for this?
The American auto industry feels so bad for the Pistons it has offered to subsidize them.
* So, Charles Barkley was caught at the open mike — usually it’s at the open bar — opining about his new gig as spokesblimp for Weight Watchers.
“I’m not giving away no free money,” he blathered the other night during a lull in the Heat-Hawks hookup. “I thought this was the greatest scam going — getting paid to watch sports. This Weight Watchers thing is a bigger scam.”
Barkley, who for decades was the president of Plate Watchers, in one advertisement even references those ever-so-clever nicknames he’s been given.
Among them is “Sir Cumference,” a gem yours truly bagged and tagged him with many Moon Pies ago.
If he’s going to steal my material, you’d think he’d have enough pride to actually pronounce it so the English-speaking world might understand it.
I’m guessing the producer gave up and quit the businees after 30 takes.
Thank goodness Barkley has so much to offer TNT’s rapt audience. Then again, maybe you can’t please most of the people any of the time.
“Whenever Charles says something insightful,” column contributor Fred Smith figures, “it’s time to change the batteries in your smoke detector.”
* The world champion Mavericks visited the White House yesterday. President Obama got a bit confused. Sources say he asked Dirk Nowitzki if he could pass Angela Merkel a note in study hall.
So, Ron Paul did well in Iowa, e-mails column chondriac Richie Kalikow: “Does ‘less government’ translate to ‘call your own’ in the NBA?”
This just in: Nobody is sure of Yi Jianlian’s exact age, just that he was born in Year of the 3-Second Rule.
“In an attempt to avoid another work stoppage, David Stern and Billy Hunter have scheduled an informal lunch this Sunday,” reports column contributor Michael Catarevas, “to begin discussing issues related to the 2021 CBA.”