NBC’s obsession with handing out sitcoms to any female who can say 10 four-letter words in 30 seconds or less isn’t even funny.
And I mean that.
First, there was “Whitney” and now “Are You There, Chelsea?” What next? “Peeing With Snooki”?
And that’s why NBC, once the only place for comedy, doesn’t keep any shows in the Top 25.
Their latest attempt at edgy-funny, “Are You There, Chelsea?” is taken from Chelsea Handler’s best-selling book, “Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea,” about her life in her 20s.
It was funny. As a book.
As a sitcom, it’s grim. I mean, how funny is it to watch an alcoholic, going-nowhere pub waitress get drunk daily and have sex with anyone who’ll have her?
Well, anyone except the big, old, nasty lesbian who hits on her in jail. This happens within the first five minutes, after she gets nailed for that always-hilarious DUI. Are you laughing yet?
While NBC seems to think this is all edgy, hipster and modern, in reality, it’s just a parody of every sad, drunken, desperate woman you’ve ever met — and then avoided like an STD.
Chelsea, played by Laura Prepon (“That 70’s Show”), works as a waitress in New Jersey, along with best friend, Olivia (Ali Wong), bartender Rick (Jake McDorman) and little person Todd (Mark Povinelli).
Yes, Handler is in it, too, but she plays her own older sister, Sloane, who is supposed to be a goody-goody pregnant lady who’s married.
Only thing is, after two minutes devoted to establishing Sloane’s piousness (“Vodka is not the Lord!”), Sloane (the real Chelsea) becomes just as jaded as the fake Chelsea. (“Chelsea, holding a flag between your legs is not patriotic!”)
In place of dialogue, we get one-liners. Set-up, joke, laugh track. Help! Hint: “Spontaneous” one-liners aren’t funny if they’re scripted. Hello?
On tonight’s episode, Chelsea and Olivia move into a great, new apartment with a roommate.
They decide to do this because it’s right near the bar, so Chelsea can get drunk every night and won’t have to drive.
The apartment belongs to Dee Dee (Lauren Lapkus). She is a virgin who throws up when she lies, and rolls her eyes uncontrollably even when she’s telling the truth.
When Lapkus isn’t being over-directed, she and McDorman, along with Lenny Clarke as Chelsea’s dad, get the laughs.
Chelsea has no love interest, but she once did have drunken sex with the bartender. They constantly talk about how they both wanted to be on top so it didn’t work.
Unfortunately, neither does that joke or any of the other endless sex, drunk-driving or dead-drunk-on-vodka jokes, which they work harder than Dick Clark on New Year’s Eve.
And, frankly? It’s sometimes just as weird to watch.