Entertainment

Greek gods a mythed bag

A two-headed dragon. A fanged serpent. A brutish 50-foot Cyclops. Another Republican debate? No, it’s “Wrath of the Titans,” a journey back to an ancient time when gods walked the earth, monsters breathed fire and stout-hearted warriors wore adorable leather cheerleader skirts with strappy gladiator sandals.

While a serviceable action-fantasy that passes the time, the sequel to the 2010 remake of the 1981 film, “Clash of the Titans,” is a little light on fantastical creatures, a bit heavy on the campy acting (hey, Bill Nighy: This isn’t supposed to be an off-Broadway comedy) and given to many painful instances in which characters duel with awkward, clanking, rusty weapons called “words.”

We begin with the half-human, half-god Perseus (Sam Worthington, the first actor in history to star in $3.5 billion dollars’ worth of box-office hits without anyone noticing him). He is now a widower and a fisherman, raising his young son Helius (John Bell) and declining an invitation from his father, Zeus (Liam Neeson), to get back in the war -game.

Zeus complains that no one prays anymore (talk about blaming the customer), causing the gods to lose their immortality. And Zeus’ brother Hades (Ralph Fiennes) is preparing to join forces with Kronos, their vengeful father and leader of the Titans. Kronos’ look is mildly scary: Think the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man re-created in charcoal briquets.

In the underworld, Zeus seems surprised that Hades is still miffed at him. Something about being tricked into permanent banishment to hell is reducing Hades’ fraternal spirit. Zeus: “We must forget the past, brother.” Oh, OK. Put ’er there! Somewhere along the line Zeus’ other bro, Poseidon, gets killed, but he’s only played by journeyman actor Danny Huston, so you’ll hardly notice.

To take on Kronos, Perseus hits the road to the underworld dungeon of Tartarus with a couple of friends: He picks up Queen Andromeda, played by Rosamund Pike, and Agenor, a comedy-sidekick thief, half-god son of Poseidon and fast talker. I nearly choked on my Raisinets when I thought Agenor was Russell Brand, who after “Arthur” should be confined to the movie equivalent of Hades, but, glad tidings: It’s just Toby Kebbell, who is merely mildly irritating.

All of them run into Hephaestus, who instead of being the mighty smith of the gods is played by Nighy as a cranky nutter with a junk emporium. He brings an unwelcome “Pirates of the Caribbean” goofiness to the proceedings, but Worthington, bless him, continues to play it straight, and with his new Greg Brady haircut, he looks a bit less like the bricklayer he once was. His acting range continues to run all the way from alpha to beta.

An actor is only as good as his script, though. When the dialogue isn’t written in caveman declarative, it’s written to refresh the audience’s memory in lines such as “Hades, you are the god of the Underworld,” and “You remember, I am your son.” That line comes from Ares (Edgar Ramirez), who, by the way, is the god of war, which makes it a little bit hilarious when everyone keeps asking him to calm his temper and stop being mean to his dad, Zeus, against whom he sides with Hades in the intra-Olympus spat.

Randomly, the gang keeps encountering magical creatures, some of which are cool to look at (like the gang of one-eyed giants and the beast with two legs and two back-to-back torsos and heads). And the fight scenes that rely on big special effects, as well as the labyrinth-like tower that leads to Tartarus, are depicted reasonably well by director Jonathan Liebesman, who lacks the freewheeling flair of the first film’s captain, Louis Leterrier.

Liebesman doesn’t bother much with making sense: Whenever someone needs a magical power that could yield some nifty CGI, he gets it, unexplained. An army commanded by Andromeda girds for battle — then stands around watching Perseus go at it with Kronos. A major character’s U-turn occurs after someone simply requests it. “Wrath of the Titans” suggests a franchise that isn’t trying very hard, and I don’t really expect a sequel. But if it does happen, I fear it’ll be even less of an event: “Tiff of the Titans.”