Metro

DOE ‘thought’ police

There’s a joke about modern kids that goes like this: One 6-year-old says to another, “I found a condom on the patio.” To which the other responds, “What’s a patio?”

Funny, right? Now stop laughing. City educrats have incorporated the gist of the joke into their test rules. Seriously.

As The Post’s Yoav Gonen reports, the Department of Education is banning references to wealth, dinosaurs, birthdays, rap music, Halloween, crime, divorce, poverty, religious holidays and scores of other common words and subjects in new tests.

It calls the 50 taboo topics “unacceptable,” in documents provided to companies competing to revamp city English, math, science and social-studies tests.

The ban, which covers tests for students in third through eighth grades, is straight out of the touchy-feely self-esteem playbook. The “experts” from the social-perfection brigade are afraid the words might make some kids feel bad and screw up the tests.

However tiny the probability, that fear is enough to get the words on the blacklist. It’s the tyranny of anxiety.

“The topic could evoke unpleasant emotions in the students that might hamper their ability to take the remainder of the test in the optimal frame of mind,” the request for proposals to companies says by way of explanation. Or “the topic is controversial among the adult population and might not be acceptable in a state-mandated testing situation.” Or “the topic appears biased against (or toward) some group of people.”

This from a school system that promotes sex education, including how to use a condom and contraception, for kids as young as 12.

It’s official now. The city is going N-U-T-S.

Officials have no problem passing kids to the next grade even when they can’t do the work, because, the educrats believe, passing helps kids feel good. Never mind that social promotion has sent a generation of unprepared graduates into the world with a diploma that they didn’t earn and that many can’t read. It’s feelings that count.

Chancellor Dennis Walcott says lists of banned words are common. “This is not just New York,” he said. “This is across the country.”

That’s an excuse, not a reason. The city often claims to be a leader in education reform, but apparently is willing to follow the crowd over the cliff in this case. All the lemmings are doing it, you know.

More broadly, the bans show that Mayor Bloomberg’s nanny-state approach to government has an ever-expanding list of “don’ts.” Smoking and trans fats were just the start, and now food donations to homeless shelters are verboten.

The Staten Island Ferry terminal allowed no Christmas trees, menorahs or holiday lights last year, for the first time.

“You start getting into the whole issue of religion on public spaces,” Bloomberg said then, “and there’s plenty of places to celebrate Christmas, plenty of stores or homes that can have Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa.”

After the Supreme Court ruled that New York could exclude churches from using public schools for worship services on weekends, the city did just that.

“We view this as a victory for the city’s schoolchildren and their families,” a spokesman for the city said then, adding that school officials were “quite properly concerned about having any school in this diverse city identified with one particular religious belief or practice.”

Right, those would be the same officials who think kids need to know how to use a condom but might have a bad test score if somebody mentions dancing.

God save us from educational experts.

Santorum’s gloom dooms him

Ronald Reagan, it was said, put a smiley face on American conservatism. Rick Santorum seems determined to give it back its scowl.

Nobody will confuse Santorum with a happy warrior in the GOP nomination race. He embraces the “angry everyman” label as if it will help define him as the true conservative.

In that case, conservatism doesn’t stand a chance.

Most successful politicians, regardless of party or philosophy, display a sunny-side up personality. A candidate who is spitting mad and sees only gloom and doom ahead isn’t likely to gain many followers, unless he’s running to lead a suicide cult.

Even in tough times, confidence in the future is a hallmark of America and the basis of the national family creed: Our children will have it better than we do.

Conveying that confidence during grueling campaigns is a challenge, but ultimately, a president must be a true optimist to lead the nation forward.

Mitt Romney does seem to be one, but then so did Barack Obama in 2008. Santorum’s growing anger, however, leaves no doubt that the chip on his shoulder is weighing him down. The burdens of the Oval Office definitely would not improve his disposition.

We must ‘duck’ a 2nd term

Democracy, that whole rule-of-the-people thing, is an obstacle to President Obama. He has said it over and over, so we ought to believe he means it.

His plea to Russian President Dmitry Medvedev to hold off on missile-defense decisions until after the election so Obama would have “more flexibility” confirms his conviction.

“This is my last election, and after my election I have more flexibility,” Obama said Monday, not realizing a microphone was on.

As shocking as his words are, the sentiment behind them isn’t new.

Stung by criticism during the uprising in Egypt last year, Obama told an aide it would be much easier to be the president of China.

Definitely, there are advantages to being the boss of a country where people have no rights.

But the idea that Obama is ducking decisions now that would be politically unpopular, while planning to make them during a second term, takes the musings to a new level. It means he is being dishonest about what he would do if he wins four more years.

It also reveals an incredibly cynical side that he would conspire with that bastion of democracy, Russia, to withhold information from American voters.

Similarly, there have been reports that Obama told Palestinians not to make waves until after the election, presumably so he could be tougher on Israel.

In both cases, the decisions he wants to duck are unpopular for good reasons. His policy choices would be wrong for America and our allies

We can’t say we weren’t warned.

Havana bad time

There have been no free elections in Cuba in 53 years, but some diehards in America still refuse to see the Castro brothers for the monsters they are. Perhaps the visit by Pope Benedict XVI will change their minds. The island despots locked up dissidents and shut down cellphone service. Officially, the brothers deny they have political prisoners. They justify the detentions simply by noting it is a crime to oppose the government. How clever, and cruel.

It’s a no-brainer

This week’s top headline: Dick Cheney gets a new heart.

Hopefully next week’s top headline: Joe Biden gets a new brain.