Weekend at Pavlov’s: What Ivan Pavlov did with his dogs, modern sports and its media do to its personnel. Certain prompts trigger conditioned responses. All perspective and context — and common sense — is lost.
The preponderance of in-game commercial reads and sponsor ac knowledgments has led to conditioned and even per versely comical, Mel Brooks-like moments.
Friday night on YES’ Orioles-Yankees, in the midst of a solemn re membrance of Hideki Irabu, Michael Kay in terrupted himself to note the graphic car rying the score and a Cadillac logo that had just appeared.
“You see the Cadil lac Scoreboard, 4-1,” he said, then resumed his eulogy.
Apparently, seeing the Cadillac Score board isn’t enough, in terrupting anything and everything to be told we’re looking at the Cadillac Scoreboard is essential.
Perhaps the weekend’s funniest conditioned moment came in the Yankees’ second game, Saturday, when Orioles reliever Chris Jakubauskas and catcher Matt Wieters met on the mound to talk things over. With the score 16-1, both held their gloves over their mouths — to keep the Yankees from reading their lips and gaining an advantage.
Over on ESPN, where anchors and reporters arrive pre-conditioned to be seen and heard as both very inside and very hip, ESPNews, Saturday, presented an update on Plaxico Burress.
First, anchor Cole Wright referred to Burress as “Plax,” as if they were buds. Throwing it to field reporter Rachel Nichols, who referred to Burress as “Plaxico” four times.
Not that there’s a future for fundamental sports journalism, but the audience is supposed to at least believe that you’re working for them, and not for “Plax.”
And we’ve all become conditioned to the contingency apology, the near-apology, the “if-apology,” (as per a “statement” written and issued by someone else).
Friday, Steelers’ recidivist bad-guy — the NFL’s lousy with them — James Harrison apologized for his latest in a series of gross on and off-field misconduct, this time for claiming to “hate” Roger Goodell, calling him, among other things, “a devil” and “a crook.”
Harrison’s, er, apology: “The interview that I did and the comments that I made about Roger Goodell were inappropriate, at the least. . . . For any comments that I made that offended anyone, I apologize.”
“Lovely,” writes reader Doug Rosenberg of Great Neck. “Maybe my two-year-old should apologize for biting my five-year-old only if it hurt.”
Women reporters still stuck on sidelines
The position of sideline reporter, both on national and local telecasts, is dominated by women.
It has become, in many cases, a move toward providing male viewers “eye candy.” But in almost all cases, it’s a defensive position to demonstrate that women are not excluded.
Among this season’s first six ESPN college football crews — all male play-by players and analysts — all have been assigned a female as the sideline reporter. I guess a woman’s place is on the sidelines.
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Attention Roger Maltbie (NBC), Peter Kostis (CBS), David Feherty (CBS, Golf Channel) and Kelly Tilghman (GC), among others: Tiger Woods is back. There’s no longer any reason to portray him to us as the world’s finest human, one far more deserving of our respect and sympathy than all others. No one believes that, anymore.
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Stat of the Week: Thursday against the Rays, A’s reliever Craig Breslow, in one-third of an inning, walked one, allowed two hits and three earned runs. He was credited with his eighth hold. Whew! . . . With the Nationals’ Tyler Clippard in to relieve, yesterday, Ron Darling, on Ch. 11, announced that he has “26 holds.”
“Ronnie,” said Gary Cohen, “what’s a hold?”
Darling: “I just say it because it’s on the paper.”
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Jalen (pronounced jail-in) Rose, sentenced to 20 days for DUI, Tuesday, was next — the same day — nailed for speeding, accused of doing nearly twice the 25 mph limit. ESPN sure can pick ’em!
Plax goes from jail to a Gang
AS Maynard G. Krebs used to say — the G. stood for Walter — “What an age we live in.”
The Jets have replaced Braylon Edwards, a wide receiver who has barely avoided prison, with Plaxico Burress, a wide receiver who just got out.
Perhaps Burress could not be signed by the Eagles because paroled felons are not allowed to consort with — let alone catch passes from — paroled felons.
How long before NFL telecasts are preceded by a parental advisory? How long before players are introduced by their street names?
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I’ve never met an ESPN executive who would encourage his or her kid to exploit team or individual sports to act like a conceited jerk. Quite the contrary, doubly so at a time when rules are being added to counter me-first showboating.
I’m positive that among ESPN execs not one would be pleased to see his or her son or daughter demonstrating excessive self-regard anywhere, but especially on a playing field. But ESPN’s shot-callers have no problem encouraging your kids to immodest acts. ESPN’s “Evolution of the TD Dance,” which ESPN calls, “a project,” soon will be seen on all things ESPN.
ESPN, along with every football-televising network — newspapers, too — has promoted post-TD, post-run and post-tackle acts of self-aggrandizement as the essence of football. Promotional video of outstanding play has been lost to video of outstanding buffoonery.
And football’s back, so here we go again, down, down, down. Kids don’t stand a chance.
Not sure why ESPN insists on challenging Nike to determine which can do the most to destroy what’s left of the sport in our sports, but I sure wish ESPN would cut it out.