When New York City-based marketing professional Ashley Engelman split with her boyfriend, the two verbally agreed to share joint custody of their cat, Crumbcake.
“Two weeks after the breakup, my ex informed me that our arrangement wasn’t working for the cat,” Engelman remembers. “I never saw my pet again, and it has haunted me to this day. It may seem silly, but Crumbcake felt like a child to me, and the loss still hurts. I tell everyone I know: Put it in writing. I wish I had.”
An increasing number of couples are doing just that. A UK-based survey found that 20 percent of divorced and separated couples are drawing up formal custody arrangements for their pets. Others are drafting documents before they break up — call them pre-pups, if you will — and cohabitation agreements that detail which partner will get the pet in case they split, says New York City-based lawyer Natalie L. Reeves.
Daniel Nainan, an actor in New York City, recently presented paperwork to his live-in girlfriend, Nicole Lindstrom. “I saw that she was growing increasingly attached to my cat Perfect,” he says. “I adopted Perfect and spent 10 years taking care of him before we started dating. I didn’t want to share the cat if we broke up.”
Creating a legally binding agreement while a couple is living in cohabitating bliss may seem unromantic — or even paranoid — but lawyers say that doing so is the only way to ensure a pet ends up in the right hands
“Under the law, animals are considered property and are no different than a car or a piece of furniture,” Reeves says. And unlike divorce cases where a judge determines custody based on the best interest of the child, for pets, the judge typically looks at one thing: paperwork. The partner whose name was on the adoption contract, the person who has more money, or even the partner who has a paper trail of taking the pet to the vet or groomer has a better chance of being rewarded the pet than whoever was the better parent, she says.
When New Yorker Saryn Chorney adopted her cat Tijs with her boyfriend, he put his name on the adoption papers. “I wanted to sign them too, but I let it go thinking, I’m going to marry him one day,” Chorney remembers. “It was stupid, but at the time I really thought we would be together forever.”
When they broke up two years later, the couple agreed to split custody of Tijs. Then her ex announced that he was moving to South America — and taking the cat. Chorney was heartbroken. “A few years ago, he e-mailed to tell me that Tijs had fallen out of a five-story window there. He survived, but was in a body cast and had multiple surgeries. Now, when I get his updates, I rarely respond,” says Chorney, who has since married — and found a new cat to love. “The whole thing is still too draining for me.”
Losing custody of your pet can be emotionally devastating. Reeves has heard stories of partners who win custody just to hurt the other person. One man even euthanized his dog to get revenge on his ex-wife. Under law, that’s as legal as throwing out an old couch.
That’s why Reeves encourages her clients to add in additional wording to their agreements. “I encourage them to include provisions that both partners must agree to make medical decisions and follow a medication schedule, and even detail the maximum distance either party can move away from the pet if they share custody,” she says.
New York City couple Dennis Buonagura and Joseph Olshefski, got down to specifics when they drew up an agreement for their two pugs Hazel, 5, and Olive, 2 in case they separate. In addition to a detailed mealtime, walk and weekend visiting schedule, their agreement includes the following provisions: “Neither party is ever to get another dog for the duration of the pugs’ lives unless fully agreed upon by both parties; both parties agree to split expenses for the dogs’ swimming lessons, agility training, toys, bath and grooming supplies; Hazel and Olive cannot be taken anywhere there will be other dogs they are not familiar with; vacations with the pugs must be agreed upon by both parties at least three months in advance; the pugs are never to allowed to fly on an airplane.
“Their emotional well-being is our primary concern,” Buonagura explains. “If we split up, Hazel and Olive would be very unhappy if they couldn’t see us both regularly — and so would we.”
pets@nypost.com