The scariest thing about“American Horror Story,” the highly anticipated FX series from the guys who brought you “Glee” and “Nip/Tuck,” is that almost everything in the entire show has been cribbed (or crypt-ed, in this case) from every other American horror story.
Yes, there’s the old, spooky house where murders have been committed; yes, there is the child who can see things in the future (in this case, she has Down Syndrome); and, yes, there is the disgruntled teenager and her even more disgruntled pal. Oh look, and over there are the mean girls, the crazy lady-neighbor and the mom and dad who don’t know why their daughter doesn’t fit in.
The only really original thing in this over-the-top campy (but without the funny) series is that the black kid isn’t killed first.
That’s because the only African-American in the show was only there for a nanosecond.
On tonight’s premiere, the Harmon family moves from NY to LA because shrink dad Ben (Dylan McDermott) slept with one of his students. This, mind you, shortly after wife, Vivien (Connie Britton), had a miscarriage. Meantime, misfit daughter, Violet (Taissa Farmiga), who didn’t get along with kids in NY, doesn’t get along with kids here, either.
The house is cheap because at least six or seven murders have occurred there over the last four decades.
This doesn’t mean, of course, that anyone runs like hell when terrible things start happening.
In fact, on one unfortunate, single night, the Down Syndrome kid, her crazy mother (Jessica Lange with Tootsie’s hair), three murderous home invaders, one killer teen and the old housekeeper (Frances Conroy) all break-in.
Why did God invent alarms if not for occasions such as this?
Meantime, Dad sees the old maid as a wanton hottie and mom gets raped by a man in a rubber suit who she thinks is dad.
There’s also an old nurse with a garter who appears like a Halloween version of the sexy nurse. Wow!
Who needs Ricky’s costume store with these sexy ghosts cavorting about!
There are also slashings, hatchets, kid killings, sex and dirty talk about daughters.
There is Connie Britton enduring unendurable sex with the rubber man, and then saying “I love you” to her husband. What?
But, mostly, there’s McDermott, walking around either naked or shirtless.
With a six pack like that, it’s a wonder he didn’t put on the rubber outfit.