Sports

Hey, Joe and Tim — analyze this!

Is it too early to ask the musical question: Do you see what I see?

Fact is, I’m having trouble with my analysts. Again. I’m still not making any progress. Maybe I’m paranoid, but for all my issues, my analysts seem to be driving me crazy.

Lets take a nice, soothing walk through Thursday’s remarkable Game 6 of the World Series, the one that ended with, ho-hum, just another walk-off homer, while most of otherwise-interested or formerly interested America was asleep.

With the score 2-2 in the bottom of the third, two out and none on, the Cardinals’ Albert Pujols hit a high fly to deep left, a ball caught at the edge of the warning track. FOX then cut to Pujols, who was just reaching first. For crying out loud, what had he been doing all that time?!

Game 6 of the World Series, his team down a game, two out, tie score, yet he had strolled toward first, either watching the ball in preparation of his home run trot or to watch the ball being caught.

What if the ball had been dropped? Had hit the wall? Had hit the wall then rolled back toward the infield? Pujols would have been a base short of where he belonged because he didn’t run!

He has leg injuries? That’s even more of a reason to at least run moderately, to avoid having to slide into second! Besides, even when healthy, Pujols had become a chronic home-plate poser.

What Pujols did — or didn’t do — was senseless, inexcusable. But on FOX, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, who already — and repeatedly — declared Pujols to be the best, most complete ballplayer of the 21st century, apparently didn’t notice a thing, or chose not to say anything.

In the top of the fifth, score 3-3, the Rangers’ Josh Hamilton led off with a high pop to third. Third baseman David Freese chose to one-hand it. The ball popped out of his glove, then rolled behind him. Hamilton was safe at first. From where I watched, I had two questions for my analyst:

1) Why, of all times and in all games, did Freese try to one-hand it? Why didn’t he use his right hand to secure the ball in his glove? Did he not defy a Day 1 fundamental of baseball?

2) Why wasn’t Hamilton on second base? The ball appeared to be hit high enough. If he had just run to first then rounded it, he could have made second after the ball rolled free. Or did he presume he was out and just jog to first, big league-style? Its not like it’s the World Series, ya know?

On FOX, neither of these issues was addressed, not verbally nor through video. Where was the tape of Hamilton after hitting the ball?

Later in the top of the fifth, the Rangers were up 4-3, bases loaded, two out, when starting pitcher Colby Lewis batted. Here, McCarver called for a pinch-hitter, because you never know when you’re going to have another chance with the bases loaded.

Fine. But why pull an effective starter with a one-run lead after four innings? The runs scored off Lewis were the result of an error and a homer; the Cards had only two hits; Lewis had struck out three and still was fresh. Why remove him after four innings for roughly a one-in-four shot to get a hit?

In the bottom of the fifth, Lewis retired the side in order. He began the sixth by striking out Pujols on four pitches. And in the bottom of the sixth, McCarver said this: The reason Colby Lewis is winning this game — 16 out of 23 first-pitch strikes.

But McCarver wanted Lewis pulled for a pinch-hitter five batters earlier!

And darn if McCarver and Buck didn’t have problems with Texas manager Ron Washington’s decisions, yet had overlooked Tony La Russa’s costlier blunders.

In the 10th, after the Rangers took a 9-7 lead, Buck prefaced a recap with: “If you just joined us …” Just joined us? It was midnight! Perhaps he meant, If you just re-joined us, after falling asleep on the couch.

Aw, what the heck.

At least FOX gave us 849 close-ups of Cardinals fans in various states of prayer and worry as opposed to, say, one showing where the outfielders were playing. And we got video/audio tape of La Russa cursing from the dugout. And Buck was under the impression Jaime Garcia, who swings the bat well, was available to pinch hit in the 10th, although he had been the Cardinals’ starting pitcher, pulled after three innings.

So I told the receptionist at the analyst’s office that I’m starting to feel invisible. The doctor can’t see you, she said.

Like father, like son

Joe Buck hit his own 11th-inning, game-ending home run Thursday night/Friday morning, when he simultaneously called David Freese’s game-ending homer and paid tribute to his late father, Jack Buck, with, “We will see you tomorrow night!” as the ball cleared the wall in center.

That’s how Jack Buck ended CBS’ 1991 Game 6 World Series telecast after Kirby Puckett’s 11th-inning home run for the Twins against the Braves. FOX later added a billboard that read, “See You Tomorrow Night!” Perfect.

Sam Rosen, please report to Mr. Dolan’s office. Rosen, late in the Rangers’ Thursday home-opener loss to the Leafs, reported the old fans in the new Garden were chanting, “We want Avery,” as in Sean Avery. Yikes. Plain truth-telling on Jimmy Dolan’s Network can result in excommunicated communicators.

Moments after Rosen’s dalliance with danger, Howie Rose, calling the Islanders-Penguins on MSG Plus, was left flabbergasted that Rick DiPietro had replaced Evgeny Nabokov in the Islanders’ nets at the start of the shootout. Not only did DiPietro do loosening up exercises seconds before the first shot he faced, he continued to warm up before the second. Wild.

Thus far, the most entertaining thing about the NBA lockout is to hear ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith speak expert gobbledy-gook about it. For say-nothing, faux-intelligent takes on matters, Smith’s top of the heap.

Well, another casino has opened, this one at Aqueduct, which means the grand openings of pawn shops are just around the corner.

David Ortiz, steroid slugger/denier/liar, named MLB’s winner of the Roberto Clemente Award for good deeds. Isn’t that nice?

If you were sentenced to three hours of community service, which would you choose: Three hours spiking highway litter or three hours watching ESPN’s Sunday NFL pregame show? The E is for excessive!