I’m dating a girl who likes to have sex in really weird, often public, places. I’m all for spontaneity, but I’m also a bit grossed out about the cleanliness factor — or lack thereof, for that matter. I don’t want to kill the moment by stopping to wipe down the bathroom sink before we go at it, but how do I get her to be more conscious of when and where we drop our drawers?
Ethan, Carroll Gardens
Is she only like this intoxicated? Because I can’t imagine any classy lady worth her Bliss-moisturized bum perching herself up on a bathroom sink without thinking twice about it. She’ll probably thank you for bringing up the “cleanliness factor,” as you call it, if it only happens when she’s drunk ’cause she’s not thinking clearly.
Now, if she doesn’t seem to have a care in the world, and is all “Let’s-do-it-in-the-cab!” sober, you may want to be more sensitive about how you broach the subject. You don’t want to risk embarrassing her for not caring as much as you, or worse, keep her from suggesting it in the future — especially if you’re into it!
I’d just explain that you care too much about her to make love in a setting that’s already been “spoiled.” Tell her you’re open to “doing it” in a cleaner place — so that you can make it extra dirty together. This way, while you’re out, you can go on your own little manhunt for the nicest places to dirty up. When she gets up from dinner, or wherever you are, and comes back to say, “The bathroom is super-clean . . .” you’ll know that’s her way of saying “Let’s go baby!” and vice versa. Good luck!
Do you think there’s such thing as “girl outfits” versus “boy outfits”? What I mean is, I often dress funky — that’s who I am. But my father is often telling me my style may intimidate potential “suitors,” so I’m better off just saving the kooky looks for dinner with my girlfriends. But I find this demeaning to my individuality. Shouldn’t a guy like me for who I am? I take pride in my style. If I dressed all J.Crew for first dates, then started going all Urban Outfitters on him months later, won’t he think I’m a fraud?
L.S., Greenwich Village
Um, yes. While I understand his point, we just live in a totally different era — especially here in New York City! This is the melting pot of the world, where we accept nothing less than being who we are. We thrive off of individuality and express ourselves through the outfits we choose. While your pops may think you’re “intimidating” potential “suitors,” there is someone for everyone out there. So if this is the style you like, then you will attract a guy who can appreciate that style, and maybe one who has a similar sartorial sense.
So, ask yourself what kind of man you want, and what kind of woman you are trying to portray. Then, tailor your style accordingly.
I’m not sure how old you are, but we all go through stages. There are times that I definitely look back and think: What the heck was I thinking during that fashion period in my life? But growing up is all about discovering who you are and what your identity really is — and if you’re comfortable and confident with what you’ve discovered, then don’t be afraid to show it, girl!