Entertainment

Ask Ashley: Three’s company, baby!

My wife and I enjoy inviting a woman to join us every once in a while. We found a couple of girls a while ago, but they’ve both moved on. We’re both quite attractive (especially my wife, who is a gorgeous and elegant Korean girl), but we’re not big on nightclubs, so we don’t know the scene. Where should we go?

Michael, Harlem

The truth is, there is no one specific place you can go to find single women willing to join your sexual exploits. Swingers clubs are typically where couples go to meet other couples, so if you’re willing to investigate swapping partners completely, I’d recommend using good ol’ Google to find one in your neighborhood.

As it happens, most couples interested in exploring their sexuality with other participants tend to be like you: looking for only female partners. It’s rare to meet such types of women at a club or bar, or even through friends or acquaintances. But, if you have an inner circle of friends that you’re comfortable and open with, it can’t hurt to ask around. Or, if your wife has a sexually adventurous single girlfriend, invite her over for a glass of wine.

The single largest concern for the “other woman,” however — especially a friend — is that there will be jealousy between partners, which might change the friendship. So you have to make it clear at the very beginning that it’s just sex and you’re both 100 percent cool with it. Get it all out on the table, and then have sex on it!

Since I’m personally not too familiar with the world of swinging, I spoke with a secret source who is and offered some very important tips to take into consideration:

The female in the relationship should be the only one to initiate a threesome. When the man does it, it can come off . . . creepy. The other woman may be afraid that the female partner is being forced into the situation, and it may also seem like the guy is desperate and being too aggressive.

It isn’t going to happen often! Threesomes, if you’re into them, are a delicacy. You don’t drink Dom every night of the week, do you? And, as you’ve pointed out, it’s difficult to find female participants. But the fact that these sexual encounters are rare is what makes them so exciting. Let the fantasy of the next one, or the memory of the last one, be something you vocalize as foreplay on “regular” nights.

Set rules. You and your partner need to be perfectly clear on the rules of the threesome. What’s off limits? Are you attracted to the same type of woman? What should she look like? Just because you want to have a threesome doesn’t mean you need to have sex with someone you or your partner don’t actually find attractive. In the end, it won’t be fun! You’d be better off just watching porn.

Be safe. It’s a dangerous world out there. The main reason it’s great to find these women through your own networks is because you’ll have a better idea of their health. But, and this is extremely important, don’t be afraid to say, “Great wine, right? When was the last time you were tested?” A 30-second orgasm is not worth a lifetime of illness.

Happy hunting!