Sanctuary!
All we want to do is watch and listen to what we tuned in to watch and listen to. Why has that become such an iffy deal? We wouldn’t mind the punishment if we only knew the charges.
The Masters: Coverage and the number of players covered, of course, hinged on how well Tiger Woods performed. Saturday’s CBS telecast of a 12-man rise/fall/rise session was good for the wrong reason: No Woods to dog; he finished early, out of it.
Friday, CBS (produced by ESPN) focused on him as he decided what club to hit. As he was making up his mind, CBS cut to a graphic giving conditions. Jim Nantz concluded the improving weather would be beneficial — not for all still on the course, but “for Tiger.” CBS wasted 1:15 of live coverage waiting for Woods to hit.
Friday, Nick Faldo slapped at Woods for his brattish behavior. Good. For years we thought we’d been imagining things.
But where had Faldo been in his previous 20 opportunities? He’d been as inclined to enable, excuse, ignore, rationalize and even admire (as evidence of his perfectionism and superior determination) Woods’ tantrums, as were the rest of TV’s Tiger Choir.
Most fascinating about coverage from Days 1 and 2, when Augusta National played soggy, notes reader Pat Gavin, was that “only Tiger had to deal with mud on his ball.”
And among the four who finished at plus-five, 15 back, CBS still listed Woods first.
At least the tacit rules of TV coverage of the Masters made for rich, if unintended, humor. Tee boxes became “teeing grounds,” bleachers became “patron observation platforms.” Oy.
And reader David Murray asks if we noticed it seemed the commercial interruptions — once kept to a minimum — this year didn’t appear as minimal.
We did, David, but that’s because the Masters folks want to apply that added revenue to building a women’s locker room.
But credit the Masters for this: It allowed no crawls along the bottom of ESPN’s screen — for those needing to know, 15-to-20 times per half-hour, what NFL Insider Adam Schefter “reports” and Senior NFL Insider Chris Mortensen “confirms,” a pity.
Yesterday, Louis Oosthuizen won the day before he stepped to the, er, teeing ground on No. 3 with an historic, off-the-wall, saw-it-all-the-way double eagle.
After Oosthuizen flipped the ball into the gallery — er, toward the patrons — David Feherty cracked, “Just imagine if this were baseball.” Great moments.
Yesterday’s final round grew to be even more sensational. Wonder how many tens of thousands were conditioned not to bother with it because Woods was out of it?
On SNY, ‘SportsNite’ numbers just don’t add up
Sny: In under 15 minutes Friday, “Geico SportsNite” reminded us horse-sense is optional, that you can lead a network to statistics but you can’t make it think.
There was a piece on Joe Girardi’s Opening Day decision to walk the bases loaded before Tampa Bay’s Carlos Pena hit a grand slam against the Yankees. Girardi was shown explaining that, based on track records, walking Sean Rodriguez made sense.
Still, in hindsight, Girardi looked foolish. He knew it.
Next, SNY posted a full-screen graphic showing in CC Sabathia’s four Opening Day starts for the Yankees he’s 0-1 with a 7.68 ERA. “Maybe,” said anchor C.J. Papa — perhaps facetiously — “they should hold him back on Opening Day.”
Wait! Why is Girardi’s application of past-performance stats dubious, yet SNY’s use of Sabathia’s past performance stats worthy of full-screen inspection? Why not suggest Girardi and Sabathia be “held back” on Opening Day?
It’s baseball, fellas, baseball. It’s not played in a test tube.
* SNY, during Mets telecasts, seems prepared to defy common sense to sustain its new Mr. Magoo score, inning, runners, pitch-speed and count box, the one that gives the count in tiny colored dots rather than in simple numbers, such as “2-1.”
SNY’s the latest Nobel Prize aspirant out to reinvent the wheel, to mold easy into difficult, to produce the noiseless whoopee cushion.
* On YES, Pena’s grand slam, on a 3-2 count after a long at-bat, was followed by one of those annoying and mostly useless “Mazda Pitch-By Pitch” reels, this one so long it spilled into the first two pitches to the next batter.
Whiffing on an off-speed pitch
Mets/yankees Radio: In the eighth Saturday, Howie Rose had to cease calling the game to speak the sponsored “Speed Report.” Through nearly two games, Rose reported, the Mets have no stolen bases.
John Sterling, the worst thing to happen to radio since TV, during the Yankees’ opener concluded two of his excited signature Yankees home run calls with word that one was foul, the other caught.
* Knicks: Iman Shumpert yesterday was hit with another technical for taunting after a slam. In a nauseating addendum, ABC/ESPN’s Jeff Van Gundy claimed Shumpert didn’t deserve the “T” because, “That’s basketball.” It is? Since when?
Furthermore: Let Bud Selig’s record show the Cardinals and Marlins opened in Miami with a one-game series for ESPN money.
* Sid Rosenberg, now a radio host in Florida, apparently tumbled off the wagon Thursday. Police found him on the ground outside his car, semi-conscious. He was charged with DUI and driving despite a suspended license.
Keith Hernandez, out of nowhere during Braves-Mets Saturday, revealed he was pulled over that morning for using his cellphone while driving, but beat the rap. OK. Now back to the game.
* NFL Network and CBS/Showtime’s Warren Sapp, an atrocious bad-is-good hire given his antisocial conduct at Miami and throughout his NFL career, owes nearly $7 million in child support and to creditors, and has filed for bankruptcy. His listed assets include 240 pair of Jordan/Nike sneakers and a $1,200 lion skin rug.
Everyone’s meshugenah radio uncle, Steve Somers, Monday politely told a WFAN caller — one claiming to have finally made it through to speak with him — that’s he’s full of it. “No,” Somers said, “I’m the easiest guy to get through to. People always say that to me [but it’s untrue].”