My girlfriend wants to move in together, but there’s one problem: She has two cats, and I completely loathe cats. I don’t even like being around them for longer than a few seconds. What do I do?
Anonymous, NYC
Well, I would definitely qualify that as a little bit of a problem. The way I see it, you have two options: You can either man-up and learn to love cats because she loves cats. Or, you ask her to get rid of them. And, honestly, I don’t advise you go with option No. 2. It would be different if you were engaged, because you’d be committed to each other for the long run. But what if she got rid of the cats for you and you two broke up? I bet you’d feel worse than she would!
From the sound of it, though, moving in together was her idea — does she know how you feel about cats? Also, how long has she had them? If it hasn’t been long, and she’s intent on cohabitating, perhaps there is hope. Either way, you need to have a serious talk about moving in together, in general. In weighing all the positives and negatives — from space to costs to schedules, explain that you just don’t like cats and never have. She might ask you to elaborate as to why, so be prepared to explain.
If it’s the only thing you don’t agree on, perhaps the answer is to continue dating, but live separately until you decide to take that next step and get engaged. You may not have reached that level of intimacy, comfort and understanding yet to make this type of sacrifice.
My girl loves taking a bath with me — I’m assuming she saw it on “The Bachelor” and thought it was sexy. But I’m a big guy, and to me, it just ends up feeling awkward. What can we do to make it more sensual and less like two square pegs in one round hole?
Anonymous
Look, I’m not from the school that being in a bathtub with your partner is sexy. There was a time I felt otherwise, until I learned it was just . . . awkward. Water gets all over the place, you make a mess and it’s just plain uncomfortable. Unless it’s a huge jacuzzi-style tub, I’m with you on this one.
If she’s intent on going there, though, take charge. Stack extra towels nearby, so neither of you slips on the water that will inevitably overflow. Suggest that she lay between your legs or sit opposite you; though, with this position you may end up with your feet in each other’s faces. If this happens, think of it as massage time!
It can be romantic to sit there and talk and rub-a-dub-dub. But it’s got to be a big enough tub. If it isn’t, there’s always the shower.