Mark Zuckerberg (EPA)
Let me ask you this: Should Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg have been wearing a hoodie the other day when he went calling on Wall Street?
I’m not questioning his sartorial choice just because I think Wall Street is too fancy for grungewear.
But it’s May!
Wouldn’t a torn white tee with a pack of Marlboros rolled up on the sleeve have been a more appropriate expression of rebelliousness for this time of year? Keep in mind that Zuckerberg on Monday only had to walk about 12 inches from his chauffeured ride to the door of Manhattan’s Sheraton Hotel, where he was meeting with a giddy crowd of eager investors.
As any tech geek or movie lover knows, the 27-year-old Zuckerberg is the quirky co-founder of the outrageously popular social networking website. The oddly adolescent-looking Harvard dropout is the 21st century’s idea of a catch.
Zuckerberg is worth nearly $18 billion and is the 35th richest person on the planet, so he can dress any way he wants anytime he wants anywhere he wants.
And Zuckerberg does, channeling the late Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, by brazenly showing up inappropriately dressed for what could have been the biggest day of his life.
At least, that’s the way my parents put it when I refused to wear a jacket and tie to my graduation from an all-boys Catholic high school. Just look at where that rebel-without-a-pause attitude has gotten me! (OK, maybe I should have at least worn the jacket. Sorry, Ma.)
And perhaps Zuckerberg should have dressed better as well.
Facebook may be hot stuff right now. But in the years ahead Wall Street will need to be confident that Zuckerberg will look and act like a grown-up in his dealings with other companies and, of course, when the government inevitably decides to harass it.
I’m just trying to help here, so I summoned the Carson Kressley in me, and, with the aid of computer technology that the leader of Facebook can certainly appreciate, I have given Zuckerberg a make-over. In fact, here are several new business and casual looks for Zuckerberg, which I’ll now walk you through. Please have a seat outside the dressing room while Mark changes.
The Buffett Look: Nobody wears ill-fitting suits the way the Oracle of Omaha does. And Mark can get away with this too, if he’d just learn to talk more.
When your mouth is spitting out moneymaking ideas like Warren Buffett’s does, people tend to look past your getup.
The Hipster Make-over: Most tech CEOs undergo one at some point. How Mark has managed to resist peer pressure is unclear.
But it’s not too late for him. While the look is casual, it’s still a step up from flip-flops and hoodies. Skinny jeans are a must, and cardigans are preferred. Just don’t use the word “hipster” when dressing as one — that’s uncool.
The James Bond: Mark is still a young guy, so he has plenty of time to balloon into Buffett’s grandfatherly dowdiness.
He’d probably be better off right now taking a style tip from Sean Connery and Roger Moore, the two longest-lasting Bonds, with tailored, tight-fitting suits and tuxes from the best designers, who’d probably dress Zuckerberg for free.
And since Mark won’t have his hoodie, he may want one of those thin, poison-tipped umbrellas to keep his head dry.
Oh yeah, and dames.
No matter what he’s wearing, Mark needs women around him at all times. Forget the fancy cuff links or handmade silk ties. Women are the best accessory when trying to look grown-up on Wall Street and in the corporate world.
The Mr. Furley: I know I’m dating myself here (maybe because nobody else will) but Mr. Furley was a landlord on the Seventies TV show “Three’s Company.” The leisure suit-wearing Furley was played by Barney Fife. Or was it Don Knotts? I can never keep the two of them straight.
Anyway, Zuckerberg has already done a lot in his life. But if he can bring back the leisure suit, then he will really have accomplished something. Baby blue was always my favorite, with paisley shirts.
But remember: Every guy needs some time off to unwind. And when you already have billions, why even bother coming to the office?
Unwind all the time.
Some people Zuckerberg might want to copy when he’s not in the boredroom (yes, that’s what I mean): Payne Stewart’s golf knickers; Rodney Dangerfield’s attire in the links-classic movie “Caddyshack,” which would have made a rainbow jealous; and — of course — John Travolta’s “Saturday Night Fever” white three-piece suit.
“Ya know, I work on my hair a long time, and you hit it. He hits my hair,” Travolta famously says in that film.
Which reminds me, Zuckerberg also needs to get his hair styled. I can also recommend a barber.