With the desire to become farcically repetitive, do not expect Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish to walk into TD Garden tomorrow night for Game 7.
No sweat!
The Ancient Men of the C’s should have little trouble with Doug Collins’ steadily sprouting 76ers as long as the refs are Russian, stem cell surgery on Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Avery Bradley was an overnight success, and a Leprechaun is in the Hood.
Especially in light of this scintillating statistic brought our way by palpitating broadcasters: The Celtics are 17-4 lifetime at home in Game 7s.
As I recall, Bradley starred in all 21 of those games, but his dislocated shoulder has him on the injured list until next season.
Still, I’m stunned the 76ers are even journeying to Boston after getting wind of such a prohibitive percentage.
Then again, a slick student of history like Collins is chapter and versed on how to counteract such hoopla. Before Game 6, he fed his fervent flock similar dreck — tape of the 76ers’ 1982 conference finals victory in Boston after being down 3-1 — that everyone ravenously ate up, of course, and begged for seconds.
By the way, how many of you fine folks had this slopfest going the limit? If you did, you’re either loony or lying. And yet, that’s exactly where we are, after which — unfortunately — one precinct gets to play the Heat, survivors of their throw-down with the Pacers.
Can the 76ers rattle Romneyville again? If they can muck up another game as they did in Game 6 (aborting eight of nine from afar and 11 free throws) and prevail, why would anyone think they can’t siphon this series?
With all due respect to Pierce, Allen and Kevin Garnett, who salivate for such sudden-death showdowns, vital signs permitting, it’s not as if the Vitamin C’s have played above the squalor. Seventy five points, misguiding two-thirds of their shots, a nothin’ game (4-for-14 on field goals, nine points) from Rajon Rondo and a barren (five points) bench do not inspire confidence.
These are the moments that mark a team’s extreme makeover — or add more sheen to Hall of Fame careers — and we are there.
By the way, props to Allen Iverson, for morphing into this generation’s Kate Smith and rousing the Philly faithful before Game 6 by presenting the game ball to referee Joey Crawford, though I seem to remember Ms. Smith blinding us with far more bling.
Props, also, to exhumed Elton Brand, who has scored 32 points in the last two games after accumulating all of 34 in his previous seven. Glad to see Brand has finally bounced back after that divorce from Katy Perry … or Curtis Perry. I always get them confused.
This just in: Nikola Vucevic says Celtics fans talk with an accent.
* I’d rather be late than never on this, but this is the first chance I have to comment on the mortifying incompetence of the refereeing crew in Game 5 of Indiana-Miami, and the league office’s stupefying response after it corrected three gravely important decisions by Derrick Stafford, Greg Williard and Jason Phillips.
Initially, on Twitter, I demanded the three inept refs be fined, flogged and removed from duty for the remainder of the playoffs for their gross negligence. Unfortunately, I’ve since discovered David Stern, VP of Violence Stu Jackson and General Bob Johnson do not fine or suspend refs for judgment calls, only for misapplication of the rules.
Not only weren’t the three semi-conscious enough to spot flagrant two fouls committed by Tyler Hansbrough, Udonis Haslem and Dexter Pittman, they weren’t even smart or experienced enough to do what referees are taught to do in such instances: Assess a flagrant two, no matter what, because it allows you to review it on replay — and downgrade, if necessary. Otherwise, a review is banned.
Stafford, Williard and Phillips botched the call three straight times, each violent infraction more brutal than the previous, never once doing what they’re instructed to do in such situations. Haslem should have been ejected. Think that might have affected the outcome? The Heat didn’t distance themselves until afterward.
So, the league office wound up having to referee the game for them.
Hansbrough’s rake of Dwyane Wade’s face was upgraded to a flagrant two, Haslem was barred from Game 6 for revenging the hit first chance he got. Big deal! He missed last night’s 105-93 series finale. Had the series been extended, the Heat still would have owned home-court advantage, a binus money-maker, this certified cynic underlines.
Meanwhile, Pittman got a measly three games for premeditated mayhem (plus a subsequent wink) on Lance Stephenson, blatant retaliation for flashing the choke sign earlier in the series after LeBron James clanked a couple clutch free throws.
The Stephenson-choke sign issue was an escalating problem for days. Although he apologized to James and the Heat, the animosity wouldn’t go away. Juwan Howard tried to get close to him on two occasions and finally got into Stephenson’s face at a shoot-around. Luckily, they were separated by Pacers before things turned from verbal to physical.
Why wasn’t Howard reprimanded by the league? In light of the obvious hostility, why wasn’t league security closely monitoring the scene?
If that’s not bad enough, I just found out, Stafford, Williard and Phillips have been assigned to the third playoff round. The league may be prevented from penalizing them, but there’s nothing stopping Stern, Johnson and Jackson from rewarding the crew for its ineptitude.
Erik Spoelstra’s strategy for the next series: Instigate a conflict with Wade (41 points last night) before it gets underway.