Here’s the thing about positive thinking: It’s great. It really is. When you are positive all the time, you put out a good energy that people tend to be drawn to. Thinking positive is a great way to live. I have been a positive thinker my entire life, and it has served me very well. In fact, I may just be the most positive person on this beautiful, wonderful, magnificent, glorious planet.
People read books to be like me. There’s “The Power of Positive Thinking,” of course, and plenty about visualizing good things to make them happen. Last week, neuroscientist Elaine Fox came out with “Rainy Brain, Sunny Brain: How to Retrain Your Brain to Overcome Pessimism and Achieve a More Positive Outlook” (Basic Books), an ode to puppies and rainbows.
But over the years, I have discovered a dark side to positivity — a side that the self-help books and Tony Robbinses of the world don’t warn you about.
With my extreme, effortless positivity comes the assumption that I should be this positive every second of the day. People assume I am a constant burst of sunny energy, ready to perform a Care Bear Stare at a moment’s notice.
The minute I wake up without a spring in my step or don’t leap around every corner with a smile and finger-gun at the ready, the concern begins.
The head tilts ever so slightly. The arm extends and a hand is placed on my shoulder. The lower lip slightly covers the upper. The whispered voice chimes in with a tone similar to a teacher talking to a kindergarten student.
“Are you doing OK? Is everything all right?”
I reply that everything is fine. And it always is.
When you are always positive, it’s hard to ever be normal. Normal translates to upset. Normal becomes troubling. Normal is OMG SOMETHING IS HORRIBLY WRONG WITH YOU!
I will never forget the seemingly normal day I tried to wean myself off of e-mail smiley faces in fear of looking unprofessional. I was worried people wouldn’t take my important messages as seriously if they were full of emoticons.
The instant I hit “send” on my first smiley-face free e-mail it became DEFCON 1.
The replies started to come in — some in ALL CAPS! — asking me if I was mad, or if something awful happened, or if they did something to offend me, or if I was just having a terrible day.
It was surreal. And, my God, eye-opening! This couldn’t happen to anyone else, could it? I get e-mails with no smiley faces all the time and don’t even think twice about whether the person on the other end of the message may or may not be having a bad day.
Maybe this is all my fault. I mean, I have established that I am an extremely happy, hyperbole-spewing person. Maybe it is a shock to the system to see an e-mail from me that is so empty, barren and void of the always-refreshing and underused smiley face with the tongue sticking out.
And this is what those fancy self-help books don’t teach you. Once you become known as that guy — the guy who is always happy — there is no turning back. You are cast in that role forever, required to put on a positive song and dance for the rest of your life.
If you ever deviate from the performance, prepare for the worst.
Prepare for the surprising talks in the break room. Prepare for the odd, overly concerned looks and way-too-personal questions. Prepare for the shocked and amazed expressions when you, for once, say you actually didn’t like that movie you saw last weekend. You? Not saying something is the best thing ever? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Perhaps I’ll write a book called “The Power of Negative Thinking.” In it, I’ll talk about the benefits of being constantly dour — eventually, no one worries what’s wrong with you. No one expects you to be jolly and upbeat. Your e-mails can be as curt — and emoticon-free — as you desire. Being a pessimist means no expectations.
And that’s enough to put you in a good mood. :)
Chad Concelmo works in the movie industry and writes about video games.