It’s the only boxing match in history that’ll have to be postponed because “Wheel of Fortune” is on.
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get ready to rum . . . — hang on a second, one of the boxers just dozed off. And can we get the other a pudding cup?
OK, let’s try this again. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get ready to rumble! In this corner, 67-year-old Sylvester Stallone, most famous for portraying pugilist Rocky Balboa in one great film, two decent ones and three terrible ones.
And in this corner, 70-year-old Robert De Niro, who, 33 years ago, stepped into the ring as Jake LaMotta in “Raging Bull,” and has since continued to take a beating — mostly from film critics.
The two heavyweights square off in “Grudge Match,” opening Christmas Day. The high-concept comedy finds two aging fighters coming out of retirement to settle an old score.
Stallone says he initially balked at doing the film.
“It was something I thought was absurd,” he says. “ ‘We can’t do this. No one wants to see another boxing film, especially when you’re approaching 160 years old. Might be a little rickety — bones coming out.’ ”
Then he talked to De Niro and was persuaded. Stallone liked the idea of playing a character that proves “you don’t have to be crawling around at a certain age.”
Let’s see how these two fighters match up. Ring the bell!
Height
Stallone: 5’ 9”
De Niro: 5’ 10”
Nickname
Stallone: Sly (great for a boxer)
De Niro: Bob (not so great for a boxer)
Secret Weapon
Stallone: Like an A-Rod of the screen, he’s got the pharmaceutical hookup. Admitted to taking HGH and testosterone.
De Niro: Can call up his crazy buddy Joe Pesci to do his fighting for him.
Potential Weakness
Stallone: Gets KO’ed by the Razzies most every year. Has earned a record 30 nominations, including coveted “Worst Actor of the Century.”
De Niro: His glass jaw is bills to pay. Gets accused of taking paycheck jobs, including “The Big Wedding” and “New Year’s Eve.”
Training Regimen
Stallone: Consumed a diet of 95 percent protein. Bulked up his neck but let his shoulders and arms shrink to create the illusion that he was the same weight class as De Niro.
De Niro: Worked with a trainer each morning at 5 a.m. Lost 20 pounds. Presumably forbidden from eating at his Italian restaurant, Locanda Verde.
Lifetime Box Office Earnings
Stallone: $1,862,217,547
De Niro: $2,877,346,562
Oscar Nominations
Stallone: Two, both for “Rocky”
De Niro: Seven, including one last year for “Silver Linings Playbook”
Best Role
Stallone: Children of the ’80s might say Rambo, but we say Rocky.
De Niro: Tough call. Let’s go with psycho Travis Bickle in “Taxi Driver.”
Biggest Flop
Stallone: 1992’s “Stop or My Mom Will Shoot!,” a film the actor himself said was so bad, it could be used to extract confessions.
De Niro: Also a tough call, especially in the last two decades. Let’s go with 2002’s Eddie Murphy team-up “Showtime.”