Think it’s hard being a woman and trying to date in New York City? Try throwing in being a professional touring musician. When you spend months at a time on tour, surrounded by a crew of six invariably smelly band members or roadies, and the only new people you meet are nefarious venue managers doing their best not to pay you, it’s not exactly easy to find Mr Right.
Manhattanite singer-songwriter, Marnie Stern is all too aware of that despite expectations. You’d have thought the 37-year-old, who has become an established name in the indie-rock world over the past six years for her delightfully eccentric songwriting and guitar wizardry, would have to fight off adoring men with a large drumstick. Not only that, she’s damn funny too, as proven by her onstage banter (which can be sampled this Thursday when she plays Music Hall of Williamsburg) and by the fact that her recently released fourth album is called “The Chronicles of Marnia.” Gettit?
As if all that wasn’t enough, Stern is also pretty easy on the eyes. And yet, she’s still on the market.
“I never get approached when I’m on tour,” she laments to The Post. “I think I’ve been on like 10 or 15 dates in my entire life. I also tried Internet dating but [friends and fans] would message me saying ‘What are you doing on here?’ So that made me feel a little embarrassed and uncomfortable. Sometimes I find myself thinking, ‘What’s wrong with me? Am I that much of a social leper?’ Just about every single person I know is with somebody. So it’s gotta happen!”
Finally, Stern has decided to make it happen.
“My publicist suggested having a dating competition. I was excited by the idea, not because it was a promotional opportunity but because I thought it was a real chance to meet somebody. My friends were for it but my grandmother was scared I was gonna get murdered.”
Forging ahead with the plan, Stern’s label Kill Rock Stars canvassed fans and invited them to enter a win-a-date with Marnie contest. There were numerous provisos: Applicants were required to mention any antidepressants they were taking, while Stern made it clear that drug addicts, slackers and vegans were not her thing. Nor other musicians.
“I’m tired of dating musicians,” she adds. “They’re all too young for me. My last boyfriend was nine years younger than me. Also, I once made the mistake of dating someone I was playing in the band with a few years ago. He got mad one time because I started hanging out with somebody else, so he quit in the middle of a tour and tried to steal the tour van. Then he hacked into my Facebook and sent me tons of long hate e-mails.”
Even with Marnie’s strict criteria, almost 300 entries rolled in, half of which were immediately discounted for the simple reason that they weren’t from New York (one of her prerequisites). Her label sifted through the good, the bad and the drug-addicted before finally selecting three bachelors. One date is still to take place, one went well enough but Stern concedes “didn’t feel right” but the first of the trio — Neal, a 33-year-old Brooklynite who works in film distribution — already has some potential. He offered to take Stern on a walking tour of shooting locations used by “Law & Order,” one of her favorite shows.
“All I knew about Marnie was everything I ever read on the Internet, but mainly that she’d made three records and that I loved all of them,” explains Neal.
Although the date was set up under strange circumstances, he says that they quickly found common ground. “Marnie, recognizing the inherent strangeness of the situation, worked pretty hard to put me at ease, and after a little while it was really fun. We connected on our mutual exasperation with ‘kids these days.’ ”
Stern is also keen. “He’s nice, and he’s easy to be around and I’m excited about it.” So excited, they’ve been out on a second date already.
To some, Marnie’s approach to finding love might sound crazy, but dating coach and flirting expert Tracey Steinberg thinks it’s a perfectly valid way of navigating the treacherous world of New York City courtship. “The more open you are to meeting new people, the better,” she offers. “The beauty of living in New York City is that we’re surrounded by attractive singles. Marnie’s way of meeting people is unusual but it’s creative and I think it’s great.”
So the question is, will this ultimately go down as just another dating story for Marnie and Neal, or does this meeting of lonely hearts actually have legs? “That’s a bit more personal than I wanna get in the New York Post,” concludes Neal. “My wife reads this paper!” Funny, shy and he eats meat. Sounds like he could be a keeper, Marnie.