I have a better chance of getting a date with Lady Gaga than picking the winner of this tournament.
I’m picking three Big East teams in the Final Four and Ohio State to win it all. Here’s how:
EAST
Kentucky over Texas: Texas right now is dysfunctional. The Longhorns are playing for their pro careers, some of the young guys. John Wall is a thinner, more graceful version of Jason Kidd.
Temple over Wisconsin: Great defensive matchup between coaches Fran Dunphy and Bo Ryan, but Lavoy Allen is the difference.
SOUTH
Siena over Purdue: Purdue (Robbie Hummel, knee, gone) is a wounded team right now.
Duke over Louisville: Duke has more of an inside presence this year, and Jon Scheyer’s one of the top 10 shooters in the country.
Baylor over Notre Dame: Probably the biggest frontline in the country, a bad matchup for Luke Harangody.
MIDWEST
Houston over Maryland: Tom Penders, Tournament Tom, they call him, he has taken four teams to the tournament. They’re playing with house money; they’re a great 3-point shooting team.
UNLV over Northern Iowa: First team to 50 wins. Neither team can score in a phone booth. When I coached, my players thought defense was a town in Bulgaria.
Michigan State over Houston: Turnaround Tom’s gonna turn around and go home. Calin Lucas is one of the top five players in the NCAA Tournament. Michigan State runs the best fast break in the country.
Oklahoma State over Georgia Tech: James Anderson, a 6-6 wing, is one of the top-10 players in the country.
Georgetown over Tennessee: Wayne Chism can’t guard Greg Monroe, who’ll drive past him or shoot over him.
WEST
UTEP over Butler: At 32, Brad Stevens [Butler] is the best young coach in the country — he looks like he stepped out of GQ magazine . . . But UTEP can score at all five positions. Louisville transfer Derrick Caracter has matured. If the Miners can get by Butler, Randy Culpepper is gonna be one of the favorite players in the tournament. He’s 5-11 and has a ridiculous vertical and shoots 38 percent from the 3-point line.
SWEET 16
EAST
Kentucky over Temple: Against John Chaney’s old teams, it might have been different because Kentucky’s not great against zone. Temple has no answer for DeMarcus Cousins. He looks like Mount Fuji. He made (Louisville’s) Samardo Samuels look like a jockey.
West Virginia over Marquette: West Virginia’s changing defenses and frontline will bother Marquette.
West Virginia over Kentucky: I think Kentucky’s gonna implode. The Wildcats are the most talented team in the tournament, but they’re young, they’re emotional and sometimes they don’t listen to John Calipari. West Virginia is mentally and physically tough, and Da’Sean Butler is on a mission.
SOUTH
Texas A&M over Duke: The ACC’s a little down this year, and Donald Sloan gets hot at the right time.
Villanova over Baylor: Villanova’s backcourt — Scottie Reynolds and Corey Fisher — wins the battle over Baylor’s size upfront.
Villanova over Texas A&M: Villanova is more experienced in big-pressure games. Jay Wright has more buttons on his suit than I have money in the bank. It should be illegal.
MIDWEST
Kansas over Michigan State: Revenge game for last year’s Sweet 16.
Ohio State over Georgetown: The Hoyas are erratic and have no answer for Evan Turner.
Ohio State over Kansas: Turner’s gonna take over. Ohio State’s not real deep, but William Buford’s a rising star. He’s gonna make a big name for himself in the tournament. And Jon Diebler’s one of the best shooters in the country.
WEST
Syracuse over UTEP: Jim Boeheim needs a healthy Arinze Onuaku starting right here. Wes Johnson’s a live body, high-wire act. Andy Rautins is the glue though.
Kansas State over Pittsburgh: Nobody does more with less than Jamie Dixon. I think he’s the national coach of the year. He coaches every dribble. I have to take a shower after watching him coach. But Kansas State has one of the best guard tandems in the country.
Syracuse over Kansas State: Probably one of the best (2-3) zones they have had in a number of years.
FINAL FOUR
West Virginia over Villanova: Physicality and defense, and the frontline is too tough.
Ohio State over Syracuse: The Buckeyes have the shooters to hurt Syracuse’s zone.
CHAMPIONSHIP
Ohio State over West Virginia: Evan Turner is the best player, by an eyelash over John Wall. He’s like a poor man’s Magic Johnson.