THE BEST
1. Gail Simmons “Top Chef”
Attractive, knowledgeable and down-to-earth, “Food & Wine’s” Gail Simmons personifies everything a reality-TV judge should be. Contestants respect her and she doesn’t alienate anyone. A summa cum laude graduate of McGill University— the Canadian Harvard — Simmons has attended New York’s Institute of Culinary Education, so she knows what she’s talking about. Bravo knows all this, too, turning her idea for a spin-off, “Top Chef: Just Desserts,” into a show.
2. Simon Cowell, “American Idol”
Love him or hate him, the most-feared “American Idol” judge is actually the only one who tells the unvarnished truth, which is what the contestants need to hear. Simon was wrong about Kris Allen but has picked nearly every other winner. The gold-standard ear— and eye — for talent.
3. Michael Kors, “Project Runway”
“I think she looked like a $29.99 prom dress,” is only one of the thousand of hilariously snide put-downs Kors has made to the designers, but he does give the “Runway” drama queens pointers that they can use. He always speaks with authority and the contestants take his suggestions to heart.
4. Nigel Lythgoe, “So You Think You Can Dance”
Nigel Lythgoe was behind-the-scenes on “American Idol” until 2008, when he made the move to judge “So You Think You Can Dance” (which he co-created). There, the firm-yet-fair Brit puts his school-trained dance background to good use by giving helpful advice without resorting to unnecessary snarkiness, making him the anti-Simon.
5. Lil’ Mama, “America’s Best Dance Crew”
Don’t kid yourself, “America’s Best Dance Crew” judge Lil’ Mama is the real, messy thing. She really felt it when she famously crashed the Jay-Z-Alicia Keys duet at the Video Music Awards. And she really meant it when she told one crew this year: “Ya’ll always cease to amaze me!”
THE WORST
1. Kara DioGuardi“ American Idol”
She can’t decide if she’s a sex object, a sexual harasser, or the savior of “Idol.” Imagine if Simon or Randy had asked a female contestant to take her shirt off.
2. David Hasselhoff “America’s Got Talent”
He’s like a sandwich: A big ham filled with cheese. Car-wreck bad, but we actually are fascinated by him. Too bad he’s off the show this year.
3. Mary Murphy “So You Think You Can Dance”
Between the crying and the screaming, her comments are always worthy of a fast-forward. Somebody get this judge a sedative.
4. Gael Greene“Top Chef Masters”
We get that Greene was a sex kitten in the ’70s — she revealed a tryst with Elvis — but those days are long gone. More like the Norma Desmond of food critics.
5. Toby Young “Top Chef”
He’s always stretching for a bad metaphor to deliver what he imagines is the crushing zinger. Never a help to the contestants.