Entertainment

‘Secret Sex Lives’ goes under covers with series about swingers

Niche cable networks have very little opportunity to make headlines.

So I give you, ladies and gentlemen, “Secret Sex Lives: Swingers,” a four-part reality series premiering Sept. 7 on Discovery Health & Fitness — a network I’m guessing you’ve never watched before.

Until now.

Actually, once you get past your initial shock or “yeah, whatever” reaction — depending on where you stand, morally — “Secret Lives” plays like your typical reality series — padded out with boring, mundane details regarding the everyday lives of the “swingers” mentioned in the series title.

There are several couples featured in this Atlanta-based series — some married, some engaged — but all of whom are “In The Lifestyle,” code for people who swap sexual partners.

(One guy is named Loveless — I kid you not.)

And, at least with this group, it’s not only men pairing off with women, but women pairing off with women.

The series isn’t as titillating as its title suggests; stripped (pun intended) of their nocturnal activities, most of these people don’t lead very interesting lives, and they repeat themselves endlessly while talking about “The Lifestyle.” You just want to tell ’em to shut up already. We get the point.

One married couple, Jaymee and Everett, continue their swinging ways after the birth of their child — which, whether this disgusts you or not — automatically makes them the most interesting of the lot profiled here.

Outside of several awkward party scenes — where some of the swingers hook up with other partners — the show follows people like Rebecca and Chris (engaged) and Hali & Bryan (married) in their everyday lives. And, yeah — it’s that boring.

Dana, who’s married to the heretofore mentioned Loveless, is coping with the recent death of her mother and her father’s stroke, which has left him bedridden. We can certainly empathize with Dana, but this doesn’t shed any substantive light on why she and her husband engage in “The Lifestyle,” or why she feels the need to share her “secret” with her best friend (who’s repulsed).

We do learn that the people in “The Lifestyle” have certain verbal cues; “soft swap” means you’re willing to pair off with another partner, up to a point. When Rebecca says “I want dessert,” she’s indicating to her boyfriend, Chris, that she’s willing to swap with the male (or female) half of the other couple. If she says “I don’t want dessert,” it’s no-go.

You’ll judge these people — that’s the whole point — and you’ll likely have a visceral reaction (for better or worse). But whether your interest will be piqued? That’s another matter.