We’ve all heard the stereotypes.
Firstborns are bossier, driven and full of self-importance. The middle child feels unloved, ignored and unheard. While the pampered younger one just waits around for everything to happen to them.
But as with most generalizations, the whole idea that the day you were born somehow determines the type of person you grow up to be is just that – an idea.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Melissa Keogh told news.com.au that while birth order has been an obsession of psychological study for decades, the most recent scientific research has dumped these theories on their behind.
American psychologist Dr. Alan Stewart’s 2012 study on this theory found that a person’s perceived birth order has more of an impact on their psychological development than their actual birth order.
Confused?
“Psychological birth order is our perceived birth order. That means the place in the family we ‘feel ourselves’ to be. For instance, you might actually have been born first in your family but feel as if everyone in your family treats you like the youngest. Or vice versa,” said Keogh.
According to Keogh’s clinical experience, these feelings and perceptions can often be felt more keenly when there have been significant changes or disruption to the family unit.
“That can happen when a child is sick or passes away and when there is a large gap in the ages between siblings. In instances of multiple births it’s also harder to separate your identity from your siblings. You find it harder to work out who you are,” she said.
But – it’s very important to remember that a person’s perceptions are not reality and that’s probably a good thing.
“We can change our perceptions, we can’t change the date we were born,” said Keogh.
Changing perceptions starts with thinking about what motivates us in life – and understanding what is important in light of our experiences, education and relationships outside of the family dynamic.
Parents also play a pivotal role in making sure their children avoid buying into these birth-order stereotypes in the first place.
Keogh said they need to make sure they don’t pass on their biases or expectations to children and allow each of them to develop in their own way and in their own time.
“We really have to be careful of that sort of stuff. School experiences, friendships, and life experiences all shape the person we become,” she said.
This story originally appeared on news.com.au