Just because you’d be hard pressed to find a quote or byline on any movie ad from any of the 85 “journalists” who make up the Hollywood Foreign Press Association doesn’t mean they don’t know how to put on a helluva show. Or at least one that’s better by a long shot than the excruciatingly boring Oscar show.
But that’s only — repeat only — because of the disrespectful, despicably hilarious Ricky Gervais, whom this group of alleged grifters was smart enough to hire for the third year in a row.
But this year, the bar was set very high — by Gervais himself, who last year killed it by trashing his own employer, the Golden Globes, as a bunch of fakers on the take. And, yes, he killed again last night, proving for the third time that he is not afraid of anyone or anything — including all those self-important actors who were all so serious you’d think they spend their off hours curing cancer.
COMPLETE GOLDEN GLOBES COVERAGE
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PHOTOS: GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS WINNERS
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COMPLETE LIST OF GOLDEN GLOBES WINNERS
He managed to say “penis” and “beaver” in the first few minutes. But he got beeped out when launched an F-bomb.
People in the audience reported that when he introduced presenters Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, he announced he couldn’t “understand a f–ing word they are saying.’’
Gervais, in a maroon tux the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the groomsmen were forced to rent them for your cousin’s wedding, managed right off to make fun of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.
“Tonight,” he began, “you get Britain’s biggest comedian, hosting the world’s second-biggest award show on America’s third-biggest network [NBC]. Sorry, fourth. But that wasn’t enough. He then said the Globes are what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton: trashier, louder, drunker and can be bought.
They gave him a list of rules, he said, “No profanity, no nudity — that’s a shame because I’ve got a huge vocabulary . . . and a very tiny penis.” Then, he said they forbade smut, innuendo, Mel Gibson jokes, and, yes, “Jodi Foster’s beaver,” which he said men don’t get to see.
He then took on the Oscars and Eddie Murphy for turning down this year’s hosting duties, cracking, “When the man who says ‘yes’ to ‘Norbit’ says no to you, you know you’re in trouble.”
And the actual awards? Save me.
Kelsey Grammer over Damien Lewis for best actor for “The Boss?” Even Grammer was embarrassed. Martin Scorcese best director for “Hugo?” On what planet was that a better directing job than “The Descendants” or “Midnight in Paris?”
Thank God and the devil, too, for Gervais, because the awards leave all pretense of credibility at the door.