Love is a universal thing. Dating, not so much.
Going out, hookups and relationships in countries and cities around the world are not exactly the same as what singles experience in New York City. Expats and global travelers say it’s typically harder to date here than anywhere else, given the ultracompetitive environment.
“In NYC there’s a bigger focus on pedigree,” says Aussie Adam Lewkovitz, who moved to New York City from Sydney in 2009. “They try to qualify you and what do you do. In Sydney, there’s more focus on lifestyle, and work is a means to support what you want to do.”
The 34-year-old tech-product manager now lives in Williamsburg, where he says the terms of dating are not as clear as in his native land. When it comes to exclusivity, he says here “you just assume that the other person is dating around, whereas that nonexclusive thing doesn’t fly in Australia.”
Greece
There’s really no such thing as the three-day rule in Greece, says Maria Avgitidis, referring to the time you’re traditionally supposed to wait before calling or texting after meeting someone. The 32-year-old matchmaker from the Upper West Side lived in Athens for five years until 2008 and returns there often.
“You meet through friends, maybe stay [after friends leave] longer, kiss, and then next day, you ask the person out,” she says. “There’s no conversation around like ‘What is this?’”
Often, people meet through friends, even with online dating: “In Greece now, people meet through mutual friends on Facebook, not dating apps,” she says.
Jamaica
Although it’s hot, hot, hot on the Caribbean island, a date there may be anything but. So when Andre, a salesman, moved to New York City from Jamaica about three years ago, he quickly learned the new meaning of a “date.”
“Back home, a date is just going out with someone — watching a movie, hanging out, getting food — and that’s it,” says the 32-year-old Canarsie resident, who declined to give his last name for professional reasons. “Here, a date is something more intimate or personal. It’s expected that this might lead to something …” like sex, he says.
“In Jamaica, if you like someone, you say it. Here it’s more like playing the game.”
Paris
It is true what they say about Parisians: They’re snobs, and especially in the dating world, says Steph Naudin, 32, an American living in Paris and working at a university.
“Americans are a lot friendlier when you’re going out in bars and restaurants. In Paris, people tend to be a little more closed off. Maybe they’re hanging out with friends and not necessarily looking to meet people,” says the Boston native who has lived in NYC.
One thing remains the same for Naudin, whether dating in Paris or in America: Online dating has taken over the dating culture in a bad way. “The dating scene is all about consuming people,” she says, “not getting to know people.”
Philippines
Forget about one-night stands and say hello to the setup in the Philippines. Gecile Fojas, who moved from Rockland County to the city of Cebu, in the Philippines, three years ago, says dating is much harder in her new home, given the stigma of promiscuity.
“More often than not, people are usually set up,” says the 28-year-old medical student. “Filipinos love matchmaking.”
And as for just going out for a good time, Fojas has learned, “In the Philippines, it’s either you’re someone’s significant other or you’re not. There’s really no in-between. I’ve yet to encounter someone [who goes] on dates with multiple people,” she adds.
‘More often than not, people are usually set up. Filipinos love matchmaking.’
Chile
It’s easy to understand why Isabella Mariani prefers the dating scene in Chile. She met her husband there, in Santiago, where she lived in 2015.
She also experienced some romances that began on the dance floor.
“It’s easy right away to see someone’s intentions when they’re dancing salsa with you,” says the 24-year-old Upper East Side resident. “It’s like testing the waters — and if you’re a good dancer it’s an attractive quality.”
She also loved that the night really could end with dancing, instead of being expected to take things to the bedroom: “Whether you have sex or don’t doesn’t seem to affect the relationship” she says. “It’s not a stigma if you wait a few dates.”
Indonesia
Jonathan, who moved to Jakarta, Indonesia after living in the East Village in 2013, says moving to a place that was predominantly Muslim made for some challenging cultural differences in dating.
“People there are very friendly, but tend to be more reserved than New Yorkers,” says Jonathan, a product manager who declined to give his last name for professional reasons. “I think the guy is probably expected to pay in both places, but it’s a lot more affordable in Jakarta and the girls are very appreciative, especially those that come from working-class families.”
Jonathan did end up going on a few dates with his hairdresser “after chatting playfully using Google Translate!”
‘Americans are a lot friendlier when you’re going out in bars and restaurants. In Paris, people tend to be a little more closed off.’
Germany
Things are more straightforward when it comes to dating in Germany, says Jessica Parker, 33, who splits her time between NYC and Berlin. It took the freelance publicist, who grew up on the Upper East Side, a while to get used to that.
Germans are a lot more direct than New Yorkers, especially in romance, she says. “When [my boyfriend] was interested, he was talking to me every day, not pretending he wasn’t into me,” she says of her now-beau. “In NYC you play this game of, ‘I’m not interested but I’m interested.’”
There’s also less of a rigid dating environment there: “In NYC, if you don’t hit it off over a drink, you missed your chance. But in Germany, it’s more relaxed: You might join up with him and friends and have real activities and experiences.”
South Africa
Bernd Fischer, a 25-year-old who lived in Morningside Heights and now works in publishing in Cape Town, says the South African city can be cliquey, “So for those of us who aren’t into dating apps, it’s difficult to meet new people and it can often feel like there aren’t even any new people to meet,” he says.
“It’s actually a running joke by now,” he says of the people he and his friends meet on dating apps. “They turn out to be tourists who, of course, aren’t sticking around for very long.”
He prefers the New York dating scene, where anything can happen: “You still feel like you’ll meet someone by chance on the subway or in a museum in New York.”
London
Betsy Cox, a divorce concierge on the Upper East Side, splits her time between New York City and London, where she lived for four years and met the man who proposed to her. There, she says, men are far more age-appropriate.
“Depending on your age, if you’re single and young, you’re definitely going to meet guys of your age group in New York City,” says Cox, 50. But especially for women of a certain age, men “are looking for someone much younger.”
“In London, age and stage are important,” she says, adding that men there want women who are in the same phase of their lives as they are.