Last Thursday, comedian and actor Patton Oswalt drew criticism from Internet trolls after announcing his engagement to actress Meredith Salenger — a little more than a year after the sudden death of his wife, Michelle McNamara.
“Patton Oswalt wrote crushing words about grief when his wife of 11 years died 15 months ago and now he’s engaged,” Allison Hartman wrote on Twitter. “I feel queasy.”
Some 64 percent of divorced and widowed men remarry, compared to 52 percent of women, according to a 2014 Pew Research Center study.
“There’s no way to say how soon is too soon for [Oswalt], there’s not a set standard,” says Michele Hernandez, founder of California-based widow support group Soaring Spirits. Hernandez says she’s seen widowers repartner just months after their loved ones passed away — and she says there’s nothing wrong with that.
“This time frame and sooner — I’ve seen relationships that worked and those that didn’t work. That has less to do with how long ago [a spouse] died and more that maybe they chose the wrong person,” she says.
And though Oswalt, 48, has called out “grub worm” critics on Twitter, Hernandez says he should ignore the haters.
“In our society, we’re not conditioned to believe romantic love can apply to more than one person,” she says. “Life is too short to try pleasing other people.”