When it comes to bad holiday tunes, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is just one of many repeat offenders. Here’s our short list of the worst Christmas songs ever.
Lady Gaga – “Christmas Tree”
Two-and-a-half minutes of feeble Christmas double entendres, an irritating synth riff and Gaga’s tuneless fa-la-la-ing is an early-career atrocity.
Band Aid – “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
Bob Geldof and Midge Ure’s intentions were great (and man, did they raise at lot of money), but lyrically, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” paints the entire African continent with painfully patronizing broad strokes. “No rain or river flows,” they sing earnestly. Guess no one told them about the Nile (i.e., the second-biggest river in the world).
Paul McCartney – “Wonderful Christmastime”
If ever there was a song that sounded like it was knocked off during a lunch break, it’s this particularly grating number. Even more annoying is that, according to Forbes, the former Beatle is likely to earn around half a million dollars annually from the song through covers and repeat plays.
Cyndi Lauper – “Christmas Conga”
No one expects Christmas songs to read like a James Joyce novel, but there has to be a line drawn at singing “Bonga bonga bonga/Do the Christmas conga” over a generic dance beat. We love you, Cyndi, but, just, no.
John Denver – “Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)”
Sickly sweet and overly sentimental Christmas songs are common, but John Denver turns the festive cheer completely in the other direction with this buzz-killer about alcoholism. On the plus side, it might make you think twice about that second glass of eggnog.
John Lennon and Yoko Ono/The Plastic Ono Band – “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”
Lennon rewrites “Imagine” with an added Christmas spin, Phil Spector co-producing, the Harlem Community Choir, and Ono and the Plastic Ono Band. Despite the musical additions, an unbearable triteness still rises to the top.