“I’m already getting hate mail, and the book isn’t even out yet,” says Samantha Ettus as she arrives at a coffee shop on the Upper West Side.
The hate mail is thanks to her upcoming book, “The Pie Life: A Guilt-Free Recipe for Success and Satisfaction” (Ghost Mountain Books, out Sept. 27). The book’s core message — that all women should work — has upset moms who have chosen to stay home with kids at the expense of their careers.
‘There are plenty of women who claim to be happy without a career, but two glasses of chardonnay in, you will find a well of dissatisfaction.’
- Samantha Ettus
“I have yet to meet a woman who is completely fulfilled without keeping up her career,” says Ettus. “There are plenty of women who claim to be happy without a career, but two glasses of chardonnay in, you will find a well of dissatisfaction. Where you see a woman who is not in an independent pursuit of her own life goals, you’ll likely find an anxious child, an over-perfected home, a marriage out of balance and a school administrator who wishes this woman would get a job.”
While it seems like an indictment of stay-at-home moms, Ettus is firm in her resolve.
“Would you ever say someone who spends every moment at the office has a good and satisfying life?” she asks, and then answers: “A woman who spends every moment doting on her family has an equally unbalanced life.”
In “The Pie Life,” Ettus, a 44-year-old married mother of three, encourages women to embrace imperfection, drop guilt and accept that on some days, everything will go wrong. When that natural chaos of life ensues, women often blame their jobs and quit, she claims.
Simple math, she continues, dictates that all women should keep working — either part-time or full-time — after childbirth, because their earning power diminishes: 18 percent of future earnings disappear if moms leave the workforce for a year, and that increases to 39 percent for two years, according to research.
“Most couples calculate the lower earner’s annual salary compared to the annual cost of child care,” she says. “The real equation is the lower earner’s income from now until retirement, compared to five years of child-care costs.”
Instead, Ettus recommends pausing in lieu of opting out and keeping career top of mind. Instead of saying, “I’m home with the kids,” identify your whole self: “I was in marketing for 12 years, and now I’m home with the kids.” It enables people to think of you for professional opportunities when the time comes.
When you do return to work, choose wisely.
“If you see a pingpong table, run,” says Ettus. “A company that encourages you to have a personal life outside the office does not encourage you to spend your leisure time in it.”
If you must miss a school event due to your job, involve your kids with your decisions: “Ask them, ‘I can be at the school play or field day. Which would you prefer?’ ”
Finally, she says, carve out time for regular dates with your partner.
As for a parting nugget of advice for fulfillment for all women, there’s no hesitation.
Says Ettus: “Have more sex than pizza.”
Tory Johnson is the workplace contributor on ABC’s “Good Morning America.”