Travel

Vegas is trying to cheat you out of even more money

Casinos exist to take your money at the gaming tables. Everyone knows that. But they’ve long been pretty sporty when it comes to giving back in terms of free rooms, cheap food, gratis booze — even comped airfare if you’re willing to shell out enough while playing craps or roulette.

But on a recent trip to Las Vegas, I couldn’t help but get the impression that Vegas is tightening its belt to a suffocating degree. The town expects you to risk cash against insurmountable odds, all while it is becoming sadly chintzy in how much it puts out for its suckerish losers.

I realize that the days of 99-cent shrimp cocktails are gone, replaced by a blur of celebrity chefs and imported mixologists.

But are casinos so desperate that they have to charge for parking? I thought that being a good mousetrap involved luring in the mice. Vegas gambling dens owned by MGM Resorts International (including high-end spots such as the Bellagio and Aria) now tariff as much as $10 a day to park your car. It doesn’t sound like a lot — but until recently, it was free.

Hopefully other casinos around town — where no-charge valet parking remains in effect — are enjoying a bump from gamblers who realize that steakhouses and slot machines are not all that different from one place to another.

The other giant ripoff for most everyone overnighting in Vegas casinos is the repellent resort fees that Strip properties charge. Check in to a place designed to take your money at the tables and you’re an instant loser when socked with markups of $29 to $32 per night. The fees cover entry to the gym, Wi-Fi, local phone calls, maybe a bottle of water in your room — whether you care to use the amenities or not. The Delano’s fee even includes free notary service. Just one problem: Who the hell goes to Las Vegas on vacation and needs a notary?

These fees might be tolerable if I didn’t feel like I was getting hosed on the casino floor as well. Increasingly, the rules of blackjack games — a gambit where skill can actually trump the house (until they boot you out for being smart enough to win) — have become a drag on player bankrolls. Let’s get technical for a second: We’re seeing blackjacks that pay 6-to-5 instead of 3-to-2, there’s no resplitting aces, and you can’t double down on anything other than a 10 or 11. They all crush the dreams of players who don’t want to get brutally fleeced.

Slot and video poker machines decide when you’ve gambled enough to warrant a free drink by spitting out cocktail vouchers.

But at least casinos are generous with cocktails, right? Oceans of free booze long stood as a win-win for players and casinos: You get drunk for free, and the house has a better chance of capitalizing on your impaired judgment.

But even that seems to be going the way of those bargain-basement crustaceans. According to Vegas’ ABC affiliate, bartenders at MGM properties began shortchanging guests on the hooch-to-mixer ratio by “decreasing shot pours.” Now they’re making it so that the bar-top slot and video poker machines decide when you’ve gambled enough to warrant a free drink by spitting out cocktail vouchers. The old, pre-Pavlovian system would have tip-hungry bartenders pouring refills whenever you seemed to be running low.

Hopefully Vegas’ next corner-cutting strategies will not be copycats of the country’s less glamorous casino destinations. One joint in Pennsylvania tried to get out of paying a customer who won $102,000 on a slot-machine jackpot. Management claimed a computer malfunction and coughed up cash only after public opinion proved too damning.

During a recent visit to Atlantic City’s Borgata, far and away the only decent casino in that collapsing town, I discovered that toothbrushes and toothpaste are no longer sent to the room for free. It seemed like a total Comfort Inn move — until I called the Paramus, NJ, Comfort Inn and found out that they actually do provide complimentary toothbrushes.

What’s next for cheapskate casinos? Requiring players to pay taxes on their losses? Considering the greed of these places and the compulsions of their customers, it will only half-surprise me.