The bubble bath was ready. A glass of wine poured. And Holiday Miller was miserable.
“It was the first weekend where my soon-to-be ex had custody of the kids, and I just didn’t know what to do,” says the Atlanta-based mom of two of that weekend. “The house was so quiet and lonely, and I just wanted to talk to somebody who would get it.”
After mentally rifling through her contacts, she thought of the perfect person: Valerie Shepherd, her ex’s ex-wife. The two had briefly met at parties over the years but never had a serious one-on-one conversation.
“I sent her a message on Facebook, asking how she handled the first time without her son,” says Miller. “Within minutes, I’d gotten a message back, telling me to pack my bag and come over to stay the night.”
As Miller drove, she had a feeling the meeting would be essential to her healing.
“I knew Holiday needed someone who could commiserate and could also help her think of her future,” says Shepherd.
Five years on, the women are still pals and have paired up for a book, “The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce” (Skyhorse Publishing, out now). The guide ranges from the practical (prepping for court) to the emotional (dealing with married friends who ice you out).
“We barely talked about our mutual ex, Corey, on that first meeting, which is the fact that blew most people’s minds,” says Miller. “Instead, Valerie helped me with divorce and mediation logistics, and helped me see I would be OK.”
The girls’ weekend turned into text exchanges, phone calls and even road trips with their kids.
“Our ex-husband was so shocked he gave us a gas card!” says Miller. (Corey declined to comment for this article.)
Neither woman had friends who had gone through divorce.
“Corey was the catalyst — within seconds we were talking about how complicated certain mediation forms were,” says Miller.
Shepherd acknowledges their unusual kinship isn’t for everyone.
“I’d gotten married young, so the life I had with my ex was ancient history when Holiday reached out to me,” she says. “It was clear we both had a similar worldview. We didn’t want to be bitter, we wanted to be better.”
It was clear we both had a similar worldview. We didn’t want to be bitter, we wanted to be better.
- Valerie Shepherd on bonding with Holiday Miller
The two soon had a blueprint for what would become their book. “We realized there are a million wedding planners out there but very few divorce planners,” says Shepherd.
“In all the emotion, it’s easy to forget it’s a legal proceeding, and it’s imperative to be your most professional, polished self,” says Miller. “Would you cry hysterically and eat a tube of Thin Mints on the way to a board meeting? You would not.”
Today, Miller is happily remarried, while Shepherd is enjoying the single life. Both are grateful for the ex who brought them together.
“The best gift you can give yourself during a divorce is a friend who gets you,” says Shepherd. “If you ramble to your attorney about how sad you are, all you get is a $200-an-hour bill. A friend who’s been there is priceless.”
Even if it’s your ex’s ex.