Metro

Judge mocks yuppies busted for buying coke

A fed-up judge mocked a crew of yuppy Manhattanites busted for buying cocaine — including a financial consultant, a Fox Business Network producer and a Merrill Lynch associate — who were paraded into court looking downcast and dazed.

Roman YoffeSteven Hirsch

The most impressive name on the 18-defendant indictment, Chipotle Mexican Grill chief of marketing and development Mark Crumpacker, dodged the courtroom humiliation as he was out of state and couldn’t immediately be nabbed by authorities.

Roman Yoffe, 33, who works for RVY Accounting Services in the Financial District, was not so lucky.

He’s charged with buying over $2,500 in nose candy on at least 11 occasions near his company’s office at 77 Water St., prosecutors said.

Defense lawyer Bruce Yerman asked Justice Edward McLaughlin to release Yoffe without bail, pointing out his 9-months-pregnant wife, who is a lawyer, sitting teary-eyed in the gallery.

“$30,000 bond, cash alternative $7,500,” said the judge, setting a bail amount that’s typically reserved for felonies.

Roman Yoffe’s pregnant wife, Katya YoffeSteven Hirsch

“Good luck with the baby!” McLaughlin added as a dejected Yoffe was led out in cuffs.

Glum Katie Welnhofer, a graduate of Northwestern University who now works as a writer and producer for Fox Business’ “Mornings with Maria,” also faced the jurist’s scorn.

The 30-year-old allegedly bought cocaine from the Manhattan delivery service twice.

Defense lawyer Gary Koos requested that she be released, citing her lack of a criminal record and impressive education.

McLaughlin was unmoved. “I think maybe it’s just for persnicketiness on my part, I think someone who is either a user or addicted is inherently unreliable, so I am not sanguine about the prospects of you remembering your court appearance,” he said. “$15,00 bond, cash alternative of $4,250.”

Katie WelnhoferSteven Hirsch

Next up was Christopher Dodson, 28, a Merrill Lynch associate whom prosecutors described as the “most prolific buyer” on the indictment, allegedly purchasing over $7,600 in cocaine.

Defense lawyer Phil Schnelwar argued that Dodson should be released without bail as he has no convictions.

“He has no convictions in what sense?” the judge asked playfully.

“Criminal convictions,” the lawyer answered. “He does have convictions.”

“We haven’t seen any evidence of that,” McLaughlin retorted. “He has so much money, I’m sure he’ll be able to post.”

Schnelwar persisted in his bail argument, assuring the judge he calls all his clients the day before they are due in court.

“Not getting stoned between the time you call and the time a judge would need him is another matter,” said McLaughlin. “$30,000 bond, $7,500 cash alternative.”

Kenny HernandezSteven Hirsch

The misdemeanor indictment stemmed from a larger investigation into a Manhattan drug delivery service that allegedly peddled more than $75,000 in cocaine during the course of one year. Kenny Hernandez was charged with operating as a major trafficker.

In a press conference announcing the indictments, DA Cyrus Vance Jr. said it was important to hold buyers accountable.

“While we’re doing everything we can to stop supply, we also have to focus on the reality that there is no sale without demand,” he said.

“And so making sure those people who are using services to purchase cocaine understand that there is a connection between what they purchased and what happens in the neighborhood where those drugs are sold immediately.”

Additional reporting by Daniel Prendergast